Douchebags, Bluetooth, and Airport

What is it about airports that attracts all the "big shot" douchebags talking on their bluetooth headsets looking and acting like complete tools?

Reno Time

Seatac airport shuttle leaves from the Ellensburg Central Washington campus Starbucks at 9:05. T-minus 10 minutes. I'm excited. Can you tell?

UPDATE (12:27 PM): flight leaves for Oakland at 1:10. Currently sitting and waiting. Apparently SeaTac Airport sold it's soul to Google, and now offers free WiFi, courtesy of said Google. Sa-weet!

UPDATE (3:43 PM): now waiting in the Oakland airport, which as it turns out also provides free wifi, albeit with banner ads.

The Boring Trailer to upcoming Boring Movie on My Life

Sorry, I didn't have much footage to work with, and the footage that I had was shot on my crappy digital camera, which is not ideal for video. However, the bulk of this "documentary" will be shot over the next two weeks, hopefully using a better camera.

Documentary on My Life

So I was thinking, "What would be the best use of time between getting out of school and heading to Reno for winter break?"

The obvious answer is a documentary of my life. Real. Up close. Personal. Not really. But it might be enjoyable. Look out. It's coming.

The Bubblegum Mystery

Today, walking by a gaggle of undergrad girls, I caught the strong scent, clearly a perfume, of... bubblegum. This is something I do not understand.

Don't get me wrong: I like the smell of bubblegum. Bubblegum can be a tasty treat. But, would I want to smell like it? Egh, probably not. I also like the smell of garlic, of oregano, of fresh-baked bread, of burgers, of pizza... but I also do not want to walk around smelling like those things.

Which begs the question: who, exactly, are these girls wearing bubblegum scents trying to smell like bubblegum for? I mean, is a guy who gets turned on by the smell of gum really someone who you want to attract? Or, is the smell simply for your own benefit, in which case I would suggest that actual bubblegum is a less-expensive alternative to buying a bubblegum scent.

Maiden Voyage of the Diesel Chevette

Well the diesel Chevette has now officially completed it's first long trip while in my ownership.

It did quite well, actually! Only problem was a broken alternator mounting bracket on the way down to Reno, which I managed to jury-rig into a temporary fix just to get me into Reno. Once in Reno I purchased a 50¢ piece of metal at the local surplus/junkyard, and cut it into a brand new bracket. Viola! Best of all, this new bracket is way higher-quality and stronger than the one that broke. This one won't be breaking anytime soon.

The drive from Ellensburg to Reno took me about 15.5 hours, and I got about 45 miles per gallon.

On the drive back to Ellensburg, I went way faster (due to less traffic + my impatience to get back so I could start on some school things that I have due, um, tomorrow). Unfortunately, with this speed (70-75 mph the whole way), there was a fuel mileage sacrifice. I "only" got about 38 miles per gallon on the way back to Ellensburg, but it did shave 1.5 hours off the trip.

I must say I'm quite pleased with my $650 purchase.

Is It Illegal?

So you've probably always wondered, what things do people MOST want to do, that they think may be potentially illegal? Lucky for us, Google has the answers. Here are the top ten Google-suggested searches when you type in "is it illegal to":

10. To kill a praying mantis.

Apparently, this is something that enough people potentially want to do that Google suggests it as a search. Actually, seeing that makes me want to search for it to see why people are asking...

9. To watch movies online.

Guess some people want to check before indulging in watching "Steel Magnolias" in 13 parts on YouTube.

8. To buy prescription drugs online.

I'm guessing "without a prescription"...

7. To date a minor.

A serious issue for high school seniors and those who wish they were still high school seniors.

6. To download music.

I mean, "everybody does it", right?

5. To burn the American flag.

Some people just want to make sure it's OK with the authorities before protesting authority.

4. To burn money.

This raises the question, "Why would you want to burn money?"

3. To drive barefoot.

"I mean, I'm just going through the drive-thru..."

2. To sleep in your car.

I mean, who doesn't want to save $40 on a motel and sleep along a dark, lonely, highway...

1. To be high.

Not to get high, or to buy drugs, or to be caught with drugs. We all know that those are illegal... but what if I "accidentally" got high on some illegal drugs that I just found and accidentally ingested? And thus, apparently, the question.

TODAY... 11/19 @ 12:05

Class was very rambunctious today after lunch. I told them to please be quiet to allow all their classmates to work in peace.

Loud student: "Come on, you remember what it was like in high school English, don't you?"

Me: "Yes, I remember very well. I remember wanting to punch people like you in the face really hard when I was trying to work and you and the rest of your damn friends wouldn't shut the heck up. And I mean I wanted to punch them really hard, right in the face."

I Don't Work Here

Yesterday (or maybe it was Monday) I had the following conversation at the always-classy Dollar Tree store:

ME: *noticing a woman stocking the shelves, and assuming she was an employee* "Excuse me, do you know where..."

WOMAN: "Oh I don't work here, I work at McDonald's."

ME: "Uhhh, sorry..."

Q: Who tells you not only that they "Don't work here" (perfectly normal response), but also informs you of where they do work, especially when that place is McDonald's?

A: Someone who works at McDonald's.

*no insult is intended or implied towards those who work at McDonald's or any other fast food place.

Rediscovering Music

I love it when some little thing reminds me of something, and I go back and find it.

In this case: music. A lyric from a Sunny Day Real Estate album made me go back and re-listen to all the SDRE tunes. And I realized: I LOVE this music.

Here's to rediscovery!

The Men Who Stare At Goats

I usually don't violate my own rules about posting about movies on The Boring Things in Life (usually restricting those posts to Movies Posts Only), but this was simply too interesting to pass up.

I first found out about The Men Who Stare at Goats from watching the mediocre Hollywood movie by the same title. While this movie is somewhat boring on its own (as noted on MPO, just a 6.5/10), when watched in conjunction with part one of documentary on the same subject that inspired the movie, it rises easily to an 8/10.

Strange and fascinating, the original several-part documentary, titled "Crazy Rulers of the World", is a bizarre look at what happens when world superpowers are desperate to ensure that the other superpower is not outdoing them in ANY possible way. The first part of this documentary is "The Men Who Stare at Goats" and covers the same story as the feature film.

I imagine Ronson's book (by the same title as the Hollywood film) is even better.

My recommendation is to first watch the documentary (online, for free), then watch the feature film either in theaters or watch until it comes out on DVD. Then you get the whole crazy experience and it is much more enjoyable.

You can watch the documentary for free here:

http://underdogcinema.com/politics/jon-ronson-presents-crazy-rulers-of-the-world/

Enjoy!

My Petty World of Basketball

Well, my team's intramural basketball season just ended. Our final record? 1 win, 7 losses. This last game was a complete blowout. When things really start going horrible in games I stay calm by amusing myself with "minigames" within the game. For instance, my "minigame" today was, "Let's see how much I can just bug the heck out of the other team's Player Number 10." Why number 10? Well, because he had curly bleached blonde hair, or "douchebag hair", as I call it. Plus he seemed to be a frail soul, wanting badly to perform well but with not quite enough confidence to truly do so.

So, whenever I guarded him I would just shove him constantly. It was awesome. Not one foul called against me (it's all about using the other player's body to block the ref's view of your shoving), and he finally erupted and elbowed me, yelling "STOP SHOVING ME DUDE WHAT ARE YOU RETARDED??!??!"... an action which earned him a foul. My reply? "Jeez, relax man, it's just a game." That made him even madder.

I don't know why I take such a great amount of pleasure in completely owning someone psychologically. Maybe it's my own small petty way of saying, "You guys may be killing us athletically, but intellectually I am your Master. Mwahahahaha!"

The Economics of Top Ramen

Today I purchased several packages of "Top Ramen". They were on sale at Fred Meyer for 10¢ each (the normal price? 14¢ each). Buying this got me thinking, how is possible that Top Ramen is SOOOO cheap? I mean there's the plastic, the little flavor pouch, the actual "ingredients", but then you also have to ship it across the ocean, pay the distributor, pay the retailer... it's amazing to me not only that I can purchase Top Ramen for 10¢ but that stores bother carrying it. Why? What are you making like a penny per pouch of Top Ramen sold? What's your motivation? Ohhhhhh these stomach grumbles are telling me why Top Ramen is so cheap....

Today... 10/29 @ 8:45pm

I bought a 21 oz. container of some delicious Safeway soup and heated some up for dinner along with some bread. It was great. But I saved the other half for lunch tomorrow. VICTORY, ME.

UPDATE: I had the leftover soup for lunch today. Verdict? The reheated soup was found guilty of being awesome.

WORLD PREMIERE: Refrigerator: Love is in the Air

Like an idiot, I made this movie in widescreen. So, embedding doesn't work very well. Go here to watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcin2nXSIKU

WORLD PREMIERE: Waterfountain: An Indie Movie

More CWU isms

So apparently the price of great auto-flushing toilets campus-wide is a fascist "No Food or Drink in the Library" policy. How am I supposed to engage in mega-paper-writing-and-or-studying sessions without the benefit of food or drink?

On the other hand, I was encouraged by the head of my grad program to "sneak a drink in your jacket into the library and just go look through the scientific journals!"

It certainly brings a new appreciation for UNR's liberal "Sure bring your Flamin' Hot Cheetos and Double Gulp into the library!" policies.

On another topic:

Anyone have any good thesis ideas for me? (Keeping in mind my field of study is psychology...)

Sunday Go To Church

So last Sunday I finally decided to start looking for a church here in Ellensburg, WA. I won't mention what church I went to in case by some distant chance someone from that church should somehow end up reading this post (I know: a one in several million chance, but nonetheless). However, if I know you personally and you want to know a great church in Ellensburg to avoid, let me know.

Anyhow, I walked in the "foyer" and was greeted by a bulletin-bearing woman who gave me that fakey-church-smile and said, "Hi! Are you with the college group?"

"Ummm, I go to Central but I'm not really with any particular gr..." I started,

"Oh well! They're sitting right up at the front there on the right side, dearie!" she continued in her saccharine-but-not-listening-at-all-to-what-I'm-saying voice.

So, I politely went to the "area" for "the college group."

Now, I've seen some homely people on the CWU campus. I've even seen a few people that might be described as "ugly." However, this "college group" must have assembled every single homely-to-ugly personage on the CWU campus. I ended up sitting next to one of those people, who, even utilizing all my rationalization, sympathy, and ability to "look past the outside", quite simply, disgusted me. I know, it's terrible to say. But it's true. His wiping his nose on his sleeve really drove this disgust home. Grand slam. I was revolted.

So, after enduring a few minutes of typical "we're contemporary but there are also a majority of people in this room over 60 years old" worship, I settled in to hopefully hear a good sermon. He started off OK, but then he got to his scripture: "Let's all stand to read the scriptures."

Oh, I stood up all right. I stood up and headed for the nearest exit. There's nothing that rubs me the wrong way like pastors/people who, in their public appearances, ask others to "stand with me" to read the scriptures. I get it: you're showing (to all of us) how much you "respect" the Bible. But tell me, when you are studying at home, do you stand everytime you start to read the Bible? No? Then making a public show "stand to read the scriptures" is nothing short of hypocritical and a grand show of "look how spiritual I must be!"

Well, one down. Dozens to go.

This man is not "lovin' it" at McDonalds

I know no context for this video besides the fact that it takes place at a McDonalds inside a Wal*Mart somewhere in the South. My favorite part is when he screams at the mother who asks him to watch his mouth in front of her children. NSFW.


EMBED-Fat Guy Screams for McDonald's Chicken

Vampire Pt. 2

I just need some fangs.

Just another night in Ellensburg.

Scooterific!

I just scootered (one of those "razor" or whatever it is thingys) down to Safeway to buy my contribution to tomorrow night's Experimental Psychology spaghetti dinner. Ah yes, and I fell a few times because the dang thing doesn't like deep cracks in the sidewalk.

TODAY... 10/1/09 @ 4:04 PM

I walked past a girl whose sweatshirt said "Babymill".

I guess we all have our own aspirations.

Adjusting My Expectations for Better Auto-Flushers

One aspect of the move from the University of Nevada at Reno to Central Washington University is adjusting to the differences between the auto-flush toilets.

You see, at UNR, the auto-flushers are quite zealous in their desire to flush your turd/paper/toilet-seat-cover down the hatch. So much so that it was often a balancing act at UNR to get your toilet seat cover set down on the seat and then quickly turn and sit yourself on the seat as well so the overzealous auto-flusher doesn't immediately gobble down your freshly-laid toilet-seat-cover, which would result in having to pull out a fresh one and tear the three little thingys to get it laid down right again.

So, that is the background I come from: get more than 8 inches from the sensor on the UNR auto-flushers and they will happily devour anything you have (or have not) left in the can.

Now I come to CWU's auto-flushers. These guys are truly, almost-unfathomably well-designed automatic turd-disposers. The CWU auto-flushers are happy to wait until you have actually LEFT the stall before politely consuming your deposits. In fact, when I first came into contact with this better-working form of auto-flusher, I thought it didn't work, and pressed the "manual" flush button before I left the stall, only to be greeted by the sound of ANOTHER flush AFTER I left the stall. Be patient with me, CWU auto-flushers, I am just learning to trust you.

TODAY... 9/28/09 @ 1:30pm

I saw an old man pulling a loogey out of his mouth today waiting for the Access bus outside of Fred Meyer. His salivary-mucus discharge was thick, long, and yellow. This scene made me wonder if he knew gypsy magic.

A night of merriment and fantastical journeys

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Joy in a Glass

Ice-cold chocolate milk.

The Vampire Walks the Streets of Ellensburg

So last night I walked ALL over the CWU campus. Everywhere. All over. I walked and walked and walked until I think I was even confused as to which direction my condo was. When I got home I watched some episodes of TV shows (The Office, Community, True Blood, IASI Philly), read some articles for classes, and still wasn't even remotely tired.

18th Ave at the Break of Dawn

Fast forward. It's now 7 AM. So I decide to walk up 18th Ave in a direction I haven't gone before. I feel as if I'm being chased by a massive hoard of CWU ROTC kids in their full short-shorts running get-up.

Joe at the Break of Dawn

I take a certain amount of pleasure in the fact that I am choosing to walk, at my leisure, at this time of morning, and they are not (choosing to run, not at their leisure). But... good for them.

Apparently, cows in Ellensburg receive very little human attention. Other than having a number (stapled?) on their ear, there is no evidence that these cows have ever encountered a human before. Or... they ARE just that stupid. Do you ever feel like EVERYONE is looking at you? Welcome to the world of a curious human in the midst of Ellensburg cows.

Cows on my Left...

Cows on my Right...

Cows finally Clustered Around.

Then on the way home I was amused to see that Regal St and King Pl intersect.

Of course they do! (Coincidentally, so does Queen Pl).

TODAY... 9/24/09 @ 9:40 PM

I thought there were birds chirping outside my window. This seemed improbable since it was already dark. Then I realized it was just my oscillating fan squeaking every time it got to a certain point on the turn.

ANOTHER well-deserved win for Walter White and meth dealers everywhere!

Sounders FC v. Chivas USA 9/19 @ Qwest Field

TODAY... 9/19/09 @ 5:15pm

I went to the Sounders game and saw a very non-boring 0-0 tie, went to a bar to watch another non-boring football match of the American variety as the UW defeated #3 USC, and then now I am bored drinking some good coffee and listening to some good music before what will hopefully be a non-boring Mariner ass-whooping of the Yankees.

Henry Weinard's Summer Ale: "Kölsch Style Beer"

As a fan of things both cheap and delicious, Henry Weinard has always been a good friend of mine. Apparently, if you actually live here in the Northwest, you are privy to a wider variety of his fine (and low-priced) ales and lagers.

Today I am tasting Henry Weinard's Summer Ale: Kölsch Style Beer. I have no idea what that means, but the flavor is light and grainy, with a nice bitter touch of hops. At less than $1 per 12 ounces, it's hard to go wrong with good old Mr. Weinard's Summer Ale.

Mas Pictures of The Condo

The pictures are (in no particular order): the laundry room, the upstairs bathroom, the stairs, the board game table, the computer room, myself in the mirror of the downstairs bathroom, the fat black cat, and the not-as-fat other cat.

TODAY... 9/18/09 @ 9:14 AM

I woke up. I checked my various email accounts. Seeing nothing new, I watched an episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Then I went back to sleep.

The New Place

There may be more pictures coming soon of the rest of the condo.

The Door/Stacked Boxes/Cardboard Bookshelf Corner

The Fan/Closet Corner

The Bed Corner

The Desk/Computer Corner

Iron Horse Brewery

Today I sampled some brew from the local Ellensburg brewery, Iron Horse Brewery. It's the "Imperial Loco Red", described on the bottle as "big hoppy red ale." It is indeed "hoppy", and it is also quite delicious. Very smooth, the perfect amount of head (which in my opinion is very little head), and a nice finish.

I'll definitely have to check out some of Iron Horse's other brews.

Ellensburg, WA

So today I arrived in Ellensburg, WA. Upon arrival I called about a room that a married couple had for rent, came and looked at it, liked it, liked them, thought it was a good deal, and moved in.

As my computer scans for WiFi, it picks up between 10 and 15 networks at any given time. Of those, 2-3 are not password-protected. Of those, one comes in strong enough for me to use. Excellent.

So now, for the next step: figuring out my classes at Central Washington U. for the first quarter of grad school. I'll take care of that tomorrow. Right now, I need to do some more unpacking.

TODAY... 9/12/09 @ 9:35pm

I settled in comfortably into my soft, recliner-like movie theater seat prepared to enjoy "Inglorious Basterds." During the previews in the row in front of me a man in his early 20s seated with a woman in her early 20s preceded to editorialize during and after every preview to this woman in a casual conversation tone, loud enough for me to make out most of his stupid comments six seats away. His comments were along the line of "oh this one's really good watch...oh I didn't know he was going to be in that one!...oh sick!!!" and so forth. Then once the movie started and the opening line of the film scrolled across the screen, the man laughed loudly. And he preceded to make little side comments to his girlfriend/date during the quiet but heart-racing opening scene until a character answered another character's important question in a quiet, subtle tone, and because the man in front of me was talking at this point (commenting on the action which took place on screen less than 60 seconds before), I missed this key point of dialogue. And THEN, I hear him say to his female companion "What'd that guy answer? I missed it."

Yes sir, you did indeed miss it, and you caused others to miss it, and I assume your female escort missed it as well while you were jabbering in her ear so why the hell would you waste more time asking her what was said on screen when she obviously missed it as well? Your questioning just annoys your fellow theater goers even more, and prevents you yourself from hearing even more of the film, during which time you could probably listen closely and deduce what was said previously, thus righting the world and allowing your movie going experience to precede uninhibited.

During this experience, I realized that this man is the 20-something equivalent of my high school students who choose to react to classroom events, and make their comments to each other, and then miss the following events/directions because they were spending their consciousness re-living and commenting upon the past 30 seconds, and thus they miss the events of the present. So when they then shout out (stopping me and the rest of the class) "What just happened? What'd you say?" I reply "I'm not stopping the class just because you are a crappy listener and can't focus."

This student may have been asking another student for a pencil or paper. They may have been asking a fellow student the directions for the assignment, which they missed because I wasn't loud enough or perhaps I mumbled. Or, perhaps they legitimately have ADD and really had a hard time focusing and didn't hear my directions clearly. Regardless, it seems that by replying with "You're shit out of luck you missed it, now moving on..."** I'm reinforcing the need to be quiet, attentive, and focused in life at all times, in order that this generation won't become the next generation of douchebag movie talkers.

**This quote is not verbatim, and I'm happy to clarify directions at appropriate times for any and all students.

TODAY... 9/12/09 @ 10am

I fell asleep last night before I could decide what to play on my iPod, and thus I woke up incredibly disappointed, because invariably I would have found something excellent to listen to.

TODAY... 9/10/09 @ 2:32 AM

I discovered that my car can carry a TON of stuff. Also, when the only drink available is lemonade, drink lemonade!

(I am sitting out in the dark by the pool, where I can still pick up the internet signal from Gardner's house).

TODAY... 9/8/09 @ 4:30pm

I went to Wal*Mart against my best judgment. It was the clusterfrack I expected, and then some. My trip ended with me holding up the line, arguing over the price of a 24 pack of Diet Mountain Dew. I won. So then, I was moved to another line where I held up this other line while the cashier figured out how she could best the computer into giving me my "refund." I finally got my cash back - all $1.09 of it.

Get Involved! Yeah!

Apparently, when people waste time on Facebook, they like to think that even in their timewastingness, they are "making a difference" by "joining" causes. I have been invited to partake in many a "cause" on Facebook, and I almost always decline. Even if it is a "cause" that I think would be beneficial to the world, I will STILL usually decline.

By gathering members, you are not changing the world. You are not making a difference. I found these lovely stats on a recent "cause" I was invited to join. 478,557 individuals were willing to JOIN THE CAUSE! AND.... because this is a cause that needs money, Facebook allows you to conveniently donate as well! And how much can 478,557 people raise? $345! That's right! No, not 345 thousand dollars, but three hundred and forty-five dollars!

That means EVERY INDIVIDUAL cares enough to donate over SEVEN TEN-THOUSANDTHS of a PENNY!

Now THAT's what I call caring.

TODAY... 9/5/09 @ 3:30pm

I made the epic 3 minute drive to my local KFC and purchased a 6-piece bucket of crispy chicken. I put the chicken in the oven covered in Frank's Red Hot sauce and enjoyed these "homemade" hot wings while watching the Cougars lose to Stanford, with some ranch and celery on the side. I used at least 40 napkins, downed 2 Diet Mountain Dews, and used about 1/2 cup of ranch over the course of 20 minutes in order to stave off the burning effect of Frank's Red Hot sauce.

TODAY... 9/3/09 @ 12:15pm

Lunch was provided by the school for our meeting today, and they bought pizza and breadsticks, and they provided soda for drinks. After I ate, I took 4 pieces of pizza and a soda, walked past everyone, and went up to my room to store these free treats in my fridge in my classroom to take home for dinner tonight. This bit of open subterfuge was the most exciting part of my day.

TODAY... 9/1/09 @ 9:27 PM

Brian continually asked the lady running the Taco Bell drive-thru for a "crunchy soft taco", not understanding why she kept saying, "Wait... did you want a crunchy or soft taco?"

Finally, I told him, "Brian, you keep saying 'crunchy soft taco'... which one do you want?"

Then he understood, and I realized that this was not really an interesting story.

TODAY... 9/1/09 @ 10:15am

I was trying to focus on the speaker in an extremely boring meeting, and the guy next to me was whispering to me to engage in conversation. I welcomed the distraction, until I realized this man was more boring than the meeting itself.

A new series: "TODAY..."

This website was started in the aims of sharing all of the inane, insane, random, yet boredom-inducing occurrences and observations that strike Joe and I on any given day at any given moment.

I was crushed five minutes ago to discover that this was not a wholly original idea, as there exists a website called "My Life Is Average." According to their official statement,

"MyLifeIsAverage is a place to share your everyday mediocrity. It is a place to post the mundane things in your life, and read about what makes life normal for other people.

We believe that for every fail story, or good story, there are about a million normal stories. So tell the world what makes your life average. Anyone can submit a story, because everyone's lives are unexciting and insignificant at some time or another."

The posts on MLIA are reminiscent of Twitter and Facebook updates in that they are brief 2-3 sentence recaps of a random, funny, or just plain insignificant occurrence or observation in someone's life.

For example, here's my personal favorite post from the thousands of today's posts on MLIA:

"Today I had a day off. I went to IKEA dressed as a lion and hid in a cupboard, welcoming people to Narnia every time they opened the doors. Best day off ever."

So, what shall be done about the fact that The Boring Things in Life isn't a wholly original idea and MLIA is run by thousands of user-submitted blurbs and thus Joe and I have no chance of besting the success or entertainment of this competition?

GET...MORE...BORING!

So, I'd like to introduce the newest series on The Boring Things in Life called "TODAY..."

Rather than try and remember and regurgitate the funniest or most enjoyable snippet of our lives, Joe and I will plumb the depths of our 24-hour memories to try and bring you, our 2-5 occasional readers, a glimpse into our boring lives which will be so mind-numbingly boring that you'll actually believe for just a second that you couldn't possibly be more bored reading about us being bored by a moment in our days in which we couldn't believe at the time just how bored we were.

TODAY... 8/31/09 @ 5:07pm
I was sitting on the couch watching a commentator on The Golf Channel draw a stick figure on a white board explaining how to hit a sand shot when the ball is below your feet... and it was boring.

From the restaurant that brought the world "Famous Bowls" comes the next generation of breadless sandwiches!

Crusade for customer service

When I arrived home this afternoon and turned on my lunch-time documentary ("Man from Plains") and took out my Diet Mountain Dew, tortilla chips, and new jar of salsa, I contentedly sat down for an enjoyable snack for lunch.

However, immediately upon opening this jar of "Safeway Select Medium Chipotle Salsa," my nostrils were overwhelmed by the powerful smokey stench of the salsa, and upon tasting the salsa, this smokey flavor overpowered all the other flavors in this salsa. I'm revolted by the flavor and the misery this caused me today, ruining my lunch.

Safeway has terrible customer service at my local store on a regular basis. I paid $3.59 for this salsa, and I am not satisfied with their product. I am about to attempt to return this inferior product in exchange for the always delicious "Safeway Select Mild Peach-Pineapple Salsa."

Wish me luck.

UPDATE: Victory. Safeway will allow returns of opened items if they suck.

Moja Wants Out

Moja wants out, and if not, at least some milk...

(items in caps followed by the forward slash are ASL signed words)

From the log of Moja's 84th month at the Gardner ranch:

After M's tugging on my keys...

PD: WHAT WANT?/

M: OUT/

PD: CAN'T OUT NOW/, YOU EAT HERE/

M: TIME MILK/

key: M = Moja, PD = human.

A New Level of Consumption

The other day I walked into a Terrible's convenience store to pick up a soft drink. I happened to notice a new little section of those "insulated" cups you can buy.  I saw one, and I thought, "That is GIGANTIC."  I looked at the bottom to see how many ounces of liquid this massive "cup" held. I was astonished: 100 ounces.

100 OUNCES! Previously, the largest drink I had ever seen was the infamous "Double Gulp", 7-11's 1.9 liter mega-greedy-man's tumbler. But this? This is just.... beyond.

100 ounces = 2.9+ liters. If someone were to fill that sucker up with, say, Coca-Cola, they would be consuming an astonishing 1,250 calories. I need to get a picture of this icon of gluttony.

Moving

Tonight is the last night (well, for a while) that I will spend in my parent's house here in Sparks, NV.  Tomorrow, I move into an apartment on Holcomb Ranch Lane in Reno. I will be residing at the same location where I work (another building on the property is my workplace, the Psychobiology of Language lab). So for about the next five weeks I will be working as many hours as I can to earn as much money as possible before I head off to Ellensburg, WA, for graduate school.

This will be an exciting, if exhausting, month of my life.  Pictures of the new digs coming tomorrow.

Hormel

I'm thankful. And grateful. To Google.

Sure, they DO apparently crawl through my Gmail account mailbox, looking for better ways to advertise specifically to me (and still, many times, come up laughably wrong). But, they also have an excellent spam filtering service that only on RARE occasion filters a real email. And at my Gmail account, I DO get spam. TONS of spam. Since late last night, when I emptied the spam box, it has already refilled itself with 60 (check that... 61) more spam messages.

Every now and then, I do enjoy looking through the spam box to see all the many and creative ways that spammers have come up with to try to get me to open their email messages. "Re: Grandma's will", "Did you get the check I sent you?", "re: job application", "Policy change: please open", "Use Twitter... earn cash", and who could forget the multitude of "Increase your manhood".

So apparently, there are three main questions that most people ask before opening an email:

"Oh, it says 'RE': did I get an email back from someone?"

"Am I missing out on money or a way to earn money?"

and

"Oh, is a very legitimate-looking foreign pharmacy interested in helping me with my love life?"

So... thanks Google, for filtering my spam. Because although I enjoy the occasional jaunt through Spamland, most of the time I just don't want to see it.

The Zeal for Pharma Thrust!

In my many and varied travels across the world wide web, I have come across quite a few peculiar items. One of those items I just happened to cross today? A startup Indian pharmaceutical company, Shreeji Pharma International. Apparently, even in this terrible economy (ever worsened by unstimulating stimulus packages), startup companies recognize the value of having a strong English motto. And thus it is, that we see Shreeji Pharma's inspired slogan:

The dilemma of time and space

Meat and cheese are essential to my diet, and I have $4 off coupons for both at Fred Meyer. I need new sandals, and I have a 25% off coupon for men's footwear from Fred Meyer. I also would like a new shirt or two for summer, and also have a 25% off coupon for men's clothing from Fred Meyer.

All of these coupons expire July 25th.

I have absolutely nothing to do between this very moment and midnight July 26th, giving myself ample time to go grocery shopping, shoe shopping, and clothes shopping at Fred Meyers, which is only 10 minutes from my apartment.

Yet, I know that there are so many things I COULD be spending my time doing, such as reading, preparing lessons for the upcoming school year, or even exploring my dormant faith in case the world ends this week before my coupons expire. I have a half-tank of gas, so that doesn't preclude me from running errands. It is about 90 degrees today and it will get even hotter later this week, but both my car and Fred Meyer have air conditioning. Also, once I finally do go to the store, I will have food and amenities so there will be no need to leave again for at least several more days.

So, my own motivation and laziness notwithstanding, what shall I do to solve this dilemma of time and space?

Lay on the floor until inspiration strikes.

Are We Not Men? We are the Boring Things!

As this blog has slowly degenerated into infrequent updates and mostly Junk Food Interest posting topics, I began to think, "What is the future of The Boring Things in Life?"

The future, my friends, IS The Boring Things in Life. Unlike the vast majority of bloggers, who post for a short while before quickly realizing that no one gives a crap about their blog, they're not making an impact in any way, and all their posts are completely irrelevant entertainment fast-food, The Boring Things will buck this trend and continue to survive and thrive in the face of these facts.

"How can you continue if you already have come to the point of recognizing your own irrelevancy?" you may ask.  Because we enjoy reading our own witticisms. I occasionally go back over me and Ben's older posts and comments on older posts, and still get an enjoyable chuckle out of our drollery. Why would I (or we) stop posting, when through this blog we can encapsulate so many precious moments of our own brilliance for many years to come? 

To stop posting would be to stop reminding myself of the clever thought I had a week ago. And why would I want to risk losing those gems to the nonexistence of unrecorded history?

FunYuns vs. OnYums

So, after watching the excellent show "Breaking Bad" the other day, in which they briefly discuss FunYuns, I got a hankering to eat some.

As expected, they were delicious. However, the next day in the store, I noticed an "off-brand" called "Randolph's" that made a similar-looking snack called "OnYums."  AND, for the same price as a bag of FunYuns, the bag was 0.75 ounces larger. I decided to give it a shot.

OnYums are no FunYuns. They don't have that perfect FunYun texture, and they taste, well, like onion-flavored potato things. Which is what they are.

Don't get me wrong: OnYums, in their own right, are not bad. BUT: if you are craving FunYuns, OnYums are NOT an acceptable substitute. You have been warned.

Taco Bell's new "Green Menu" uses 100% artifiicial ingredients to "save" the environment

Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature

Celebrity Trios

The latest celebrity trio to bite the dust:

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon.

And of those, only McMahon's death would have been predictable just two years ago. How sad.

0g Trans Fat!

Burger King is now using new oil that has no trans fat. That's really great. Think of all the people who used to walk into Burger King and then change their mind when they realized that BK was still using transfatty frying oil. So no more customers lost to trans fat!

Not only that, but now all those people who were craving a BK flame-broiled hamburger but just couldn't bring themselves to go get one because of all that trans fat now have no transfatty excuses.

This following a recent move by Kentucky Fried Chicken to start making unfried chicken. What is the world of fast food coming to.

Free Music, Part 2

After Wherefore, we renamed the band, "The Strains," and took a slightly different turn with the musical style. The first album we recorded was a rough 6-song EP.

The Strains EP

Pringles Onion Blossom

Apparently, when a Pringles flavor flops (and with the sheer number of flavors they're always putting out, it's no surprise that many do), all the canisters of chips are sent to the Dollar Tree. Every now and then, I'll see one there that actually sounds interesting.

The other day I picked up a can of "Onion Blossom" flavored Pringles. These are designed to taste like those "onion blossom" appetizers sold at places like Applebees and Chilis. Amazingly, they taste almost EXACTLY like a piece of onion "blossom" dipped in that ranchy-dipping-sauce they always given with them.

And just like the real thing, these Pringles get sickening fast.

Man's final video records his own heart attack while hiking

Free Music, Part 1

I've decided to give away some music. Yes, I can legally offer this music for download because it is my (band's) original music.

The first group of songs offered were recorded approximately 7 years ago (give or take a year) and were from the second incarnation of our band, named "Wherefore."  When I say, "incarnation", I simply mean "name change," as the band members themselves never actually changed. As Wherefore, we never actually recorded an entire album. Partially because we didn't particularly like the direction the music was going, and partly because we quickly tired of the name "Wherefore" and changed the name again within a few months.

Still, we did get down a few songs, varying in quality from good to pretty crappy. Here they are, for your enjoyment or immediate deletion from your iTunes library: (right click, "Save as")

Wherefore Demos

The Friendly Druggist(s)

I have noticed a prevailing trend of extremely friendly (and not in an annoying way) employees at both CVS and Long's Drugs.  Is this really such a great place to work? Are there corporate incentives for friendliness? Or do CVS and Long's just have a knack for hiring people that I actually WANT to chat with?

Although, I have no idea if this is just a Reno/Sparks thing or nationwide...

You Disappoint Me, Ubisoft

I thought Ubisoft had an awesome idea. I thought they had morphed Splinter Cell from a third-person stealth-action shooter to a third-person stealth-action shooter with moral consequences. Sadly, they did not.

I'm talking about the last in the Splinter Cell series of games, "Double Agent". Yes, I know, it came out in 2006. Yes, I know it is only the third-newest Splinter Cell game. That's just how long it takes games to get cheap enough for me to buy them.

OK, so what was I talking about in the first paragraph? You see, in this latest Splinter Cell, they employed a sort of "choice" system on various decisions. One choice moves you closer to trust with the Feds, the other closer to trust with the terrorists (who, in neat PC form, are white supremacists). These choices can influence those crappy "in between" videos (ie "You let your friend die!" or "You saved your friend!", etc.). The problem, though, is that when it finally comes down to it (at the last level), you only have ONE choice: to finish the mission on the side of the Feds and defuse the 3 nuclear bombs that have been set in NYC.

"Why?" I ask. Why can I choose to be a despicable person throughout the ENTIRE game, making ALL the "wrong" decisions, but in the end my choice is "defuse or lose" rather than "defuse or let 'er blow."

Perhaps Ubisoft simply felt that giving players the choice to nuke NYC was "too much." Funny, though... they DO allow you to nuke LA and Nashville...