If You Steal A Car

Don't Try to HIDE in it!

Police were called to a house in Adelaide after two thieves were heard trying to steal a car. On arrival they were surprised to find a 53-year old man hiding inside the vehicle.

"The man, while breaking into the car, had locked himself in the car and couldn't get out," South Australian police said, adding a second thief was found hiding in nearby bushes.

So here I am

Barefaced. Raw. You and me. I finally heard back from one of the grad schools I applied to, "Sorry, it was a tough decision but we simply don't have the funding to back a talented and qualified graduate like you."

Oh really?

Good.

Stillwater, Oklahoma (aka Oklahoma State University) was not my first choice for graduate school. It wasn't even my second choice. Not even my third.

And yet.... I still feel the sting of rejection. It's like one of those shots you get where the nurse says, "You won't even feel it," and you don't really. Just a tingle. Just a small notification that the eye (of the needle) was there. 

I'm not one to bask in the glorious glow of a Sunset Depression, because I'm still waiting for the sun to rise.

Startling statistic

It's official: the final installment of the Harry Potter series will be released July 15, 2011. The last movie—Part II of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”—will end a decade of Potter movies. The first five movies have made $4.5 billion worldwide—making it the biggest film franchise in box office history, surpassing both James Bond and Star Wars.

All the 2008 Movies I Saw, Part 2

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Completely predictable, sappy, etc. I like Michael Cera but this movie was just dumb.

Max Payne

A lot of people didn't like this movie. I loved it. BUT I also objectively recognize that it was not a "great" movie. However, I played both the Max Payne video games, and this movie was 100% geared towards pleasing those who were fans of the video games. So in that sense, it was well done and achieved its goals as a movie.

Pride and Glory

Although I enjoyed this movie, it wasn't as good as I would have expected from a Edward Norton/Colin Farrell movie. I would rate its quality as "excellent for a made-for-TV movie." Bearing in mind, of course, that this movie was not made-for-TV.

Saw V

If Saw IV hadn't been such a huge bounce back up from the abysmal Saw III, I wouldn't have even bothered watching this one. But I did. And it was, meh. The Saw movies are, in order of BEST to WORST:  Saw, Saw IV, Saw II, Saw V, Saw III. So basically, Saw V was the second-worst (or fourth-best) of the five Saw movies. Not too good.

Slumdog Millionaire

I think we've all heard enough about this movie at this point that all I have to say is, "It was very good."

The rest of the November-December releases (that I have seen) coming in Part III (probably sometime towards the end of the week).

Door is Alarmed

Upon seeing a notice here at school that "Door is Alarmed", this image popped into my head.

Arrested Development: The Movie

It's happening. Michael Cera (aka George Michael Bluth) has officially signed on to the film, finally. Fox Searchlight has given the film funding and a green light. Mitch Hurwitz is in the process of writing the film. Ron Howard (the narrator) is on board and the entire cast is set.

The movie, is now officially a "go."

Some reports say depending upon the script, the film could be produced and distributed by Holidays 2009.

Quick note from Oscar/George Bluth, Mr. Jeffry Tambor:

"I can't wait. I want it to happen, and I want to see my friends again, and I want to play my two characters. I'm there as soon as they ask me. I'm so excited."

Tambor also dropped this interesting tidbit:

"I was just in Moscow, and they love [Arrested] there! I had no idea it was so popular."

In Soviet Russia, TV shows arrest YOU!

All the 2008 Movies I Saw

As I looked over a list of every single movie that released in 2008, I realized I have seen a LOT of movies. Wow. So, starting with the January releases, all the way through December, I'll give a (very) brief summary of all the movies I saw that released in 2008:

One Missed Call

It was supposed to be scary. It wasn't. At all. Clichés galore!

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Quite possibly the worst Jason Statham movie ever. However, Ray Liotta was hilarious in this one.

Cloverfield

This one wins the "Disappointing Movie of the Year" Award. I want one of those magical battery-never-dies-dropped-abused-always-ok-still-filming-what-a-camera video cameras. This is one of those movies that you have to see on the Big Screen, so you get the full impact of the Disappointment.

Day Zero

This movie was full of annoying bad acting moments and poor dialogue. BUT, it almost redeemed itself because **WARNING SPOILER COMING** Elijah Wood kills himself at the end of the movie.

Untraceable

Actually, not a bad torture/crime/serial killer flick. More importantly, Colin Hanks isn't incredibly annoying in this movie. So there you have it.

The Air I Breathe

This somewhat-disjointed movie actually turned out to be pretty good. And it made me finally respect Brendan Fraser as an actor.

Strange Wilderness

I am extremely ashamed to say I have seen this. Let's put it this way: this is a Happy Madison (Adam Sandler) movie that sucks too much for him to be in it (I know, is there a level of suck to which Adam Sandler cannot go?).  As unfathomably sucky as that sounds, that's how much this movie sucked.

The Eye

This turned out to be an OK movie. Jessica Alba is pretty good-looking.

Fool's Gold

In my defense, I saw it on a plane.

In Bruges

Flat out one of the best movies of the year. It renewed my faith in Colin Farrell. Really, EXCELLENT flick.

Jumper

Actually, an entertaining popcorn movie. Way to not suck as much as you used to, Hayden.

Be Kind, Rewind

This movie was made by Michel Gondry (who has done many VERY good movies) and stars Mos Def, Jack Black, and Danny Glover! And yet... it was pretty... awful. It was a "likable" movie, but it really was one-star work.

Vantage Point

This movie took what could have been an OK idea and threw enough of it in the movie to bore the audience to tears. Literally.

College Road Trip

Again, my only defense is I saw it on a plane. Gun-to-the-head-awful movie.

The Bank Job

This is a heist movie that was refreshing in that it was true to the fact that amateur bank robbers do really stupid things.

Doomsday

I was well-pleased with this movie. It was like 28 Days Later meets Mad Max.  And in what other movie do you get to see a (fake) rabbit shot with an automatic motion-sensitive machine gun?

Funny Games

This movie had potential. It had Naomi Watts, Tim Roth... all the makings of a good horror movie. But. This movie chose to spit on its audience. Over and over again. Two thumbs down.

Shutter

Meh. Not bad. Another poor remake of (in my opinion) poor Japanese cinema. But kinda creepy.

21

Yay blackjack. It's a teen movie. But it has Kevin Spacey. There were a lot of things to hate about this movie, but overall it was a decent film.

The Ruins

Apparently this was based on a book. Read the book.

Prom Night

If you hate yourself you should spend 88 minutes of your life watching this movie.

Street Kings

You know what? This movie stars Keanu Reeves. You know what else? It was a pretty cool movie. Definitely worthwhile.

The Visitor

This is the movie that was supposed to make us feel like all illegal aliens are really nice people who play the congas. Instead it just made me bored and vow never to get to know someone who doesn't look like me because they're probably just an illegal alien and they will be deported and break my heart when I lose their friendship.

Pathology

This movie taught me that med students who work in pathology are really just serial killers who like to drink and have wild sex on weekends.

The Life Before Her Eyes

This was a good, if completely predictable, movie. Actually had some great acting from Uma Thurman and Evan Rachel Wood.

Deception

Don't be deceived into thinking this movie is worth your time!

Iron Man

I thought it was a decent comic book action hero movie.

The Fall

Quite possibly one of the best movies I have ever seen. Really, it was spectacular.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

Narnia is trying so hard to be the kid-friendliER Lord of the Rings. But it fails. Epicly. Too colorful. Too bright. Too long. And I prefer the campy BBC Narnia movies.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

What a thoroughly lame movie. I felt like I was watching Indiana Jones fan-fiction written by The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy.

War, Inc.

This John Cusack movie was a refreshingly vibrant and sardonically comedic look at the business of war. Worth a watch.

The Strangers

I tried really hard to be scared. I couldn't. This movie was predictable and flat. Not even the "based on a true story" lie at the beginning helped this movie hit closer to home.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan

This movie of the winner of the Worst Film of the Year award.

The Promotion

I think I saw this one but I don't remember a thing about it. That tells you something.

The Happening

This film showed M. Night Shyamalan's true colors. We caught glimpses of his suckage in The Village, but it wasn't until this movie that we truly got to see just how bad of a writer this guy is. The Sixth Sense must have been a fluke. Or beginner's luck.

The Incredible Hulk

Edward Norton, oh how the mighty have fallen. It was better than Ang Lee's gumby-garbage Hulk, but it still somehow was a fail in my mind. Maybe it's that the idea of the Hulk is just kind of... dumb. "Garrrr! I get angry and turn green and become huge! Garr!"

Wanted

This movie proved that Extremely Lame movies can still pull in big money from all the 14-year-old boys who spike their hair and think they're cool.

Hancock

Likable, cheesy, predictable. But it had Jason Bateman. So I liked it.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

This movie cancelled out my respect for Brendan Fraser from The Air I Breathe.

The Dark Knight

It failed to live up to the hype, but only because the hype was WAYYYYY too loud. Overall I thought it was a solid movie.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

Very well-done, but exactly what one would expect out of an X-Files movie. No surprises here. It was like watching a 90-minute episode. Meh. Good times.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Entertaining, yes. Terrible, yes. Would I watch again? Never.

The Midnight Meat Train

I was pleasantly surprised. This turned out to be a good horror movie. Not a suspenseful, edge-of-your-seat kind of movie, but just a solid slasher flick.

Pineapple Express

As much as I normally despise Judd Apatow movies, this one was alright. Kind of humorous, kind of buddy-movie. It was not nearly as bad as I expected it to be.

Tropic Thunder

Although it had its moments, this movie was more vulgar than it was funny. Great performance by Robert Downey Jr., though.

Mirrors

I have to say, I was genuinely creeped-out by this movie. Well done.

Burn After Reading

This was one of the most fun movies of the year. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it, and would certainly watch it again. Another triumph for the Coen Bros.

Ghost Town

This was actually an OK "heart-warming" movie. Ricky Gervais is hilarious.

Eagle Eye

Yet another just-OK action flick.

Choke

Humorous, likable. This was an OK movie. Just don't expect anything in the same league as Fight Club.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

This was a funny movie.

Goodness I've gone all the way through the movies that released from January-October. I'm tired now. I'll finish the list October-December later.

The Oscars (2009 Edition)

Every year a bunch of self-important people get together and proudly tell us, the ignorant general public, what the best movies, actors, and actresses of the year are. Sometimes they get it right, sometimes they don't. All too often the Academy Awards are given for the wrong reasons (often political). Anyhow, here's my take on the 2009 Academy Awards:

They said:

Performance by an actor in a leading role

• Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor” (Overture Films)
• Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon” (Universal)
• Sean Penn in “Milk” (Focus Features)
• Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
• Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight)

I say: Wrong choice. Although convincing as gay politician Harvey Milk, Sean Penn was NOT this year's best actor. That award should have gone to Mickey Rourke for his incredible acting in The Wrestler. Here is a case of an award being given for political reasons, rather than simply picking the best actor of the year.

They said:

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Josh Brolin in “Milk” (Focus Features)
• Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder” (DreamWorks, Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
• Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Doubt” (Miramax)
• Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.)
• Michael Shannon in “Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage)

I say:

Good call. Although it might seem somewhat suspicious that an Oscar is given to a beloved actor just after he dies, this one was well-deserved. And that's saying a LOT because this year's supporting actor category including tremendous roles from P.S. Hoffman, Robert Downey Jr., and Josh Brolin.

They said:

Performance by an actress in a leading role

• Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Angelina Jolie in “Changeling” (Universal)
• Melissa Leo in “Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• Meryl Streep in “Doubt” (Miramax)
• Kate Winslet in “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company)

I say:

Honestly... I have not seen any of the above movies. I'll get back to you on this one when I have watched all five.

They said:

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

• Amy Adams in “Doubt” (Miramax)
• Penélope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” (The Weinstein Company)
• Viola Davis in “Doubt” (Miramax)
• Taraji P. Henson in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
• Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight)

I say:

As I earlier admitted, I have not seen "Doubt", so I have no way of judging that movie. I have, however, seen the other in this category. To me it was a tossup between Cruz and Tomei. I'm fine with the Academy's selection.

They said:

Best animated feature film of the year

• “Bolt” (Walt Disney), Chris Williams and Byron Howard
• “Kung Fu Panda” (DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Paramount), John Stevenson and Mark Osborne
• “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Andrew Stanton

I say:

Sure. Sounds good. Real competitive category. I'm being facetious. Kung Fu Panda was not a close second. It wasn't a distant second. It (and Bolt) were just thrown in there to make it look like there was actually a competition here.

They said:

Achievement in directing

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), David Fincher
• “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Ron Howard
• “Milk” (Focus Features), Gus Van Sant
• “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Stephen Daldry
• “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Danny Boyle

I say:

Best director, Danny Boyle. Hmmm. Don't get me wrong here. I think Slumdog was an excellent movie. However, quality of movie and quality of director are not necessarily the exact same thing. I would have given the award to Ron Howard for his superb work with Frost/Nixon.

They said:

Best motion picture of the year

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), A Kennedy/Marshall Production, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
• “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), A Universal Pictures, Imagine Entertainment and Working Title Production, Brian Grazer, Ron Howard and Eric Fellner, Producers
• “Milk” (Focus Features), A Groundswell and Jinks/Cohen Company Production, Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen, Producers
• “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), A Mirage Enterprises and Neunte Babelsberg Film GmbH Production, Anthony Minghella, Sydney Pollack, Donna Gigliotti and Redmond Morris, Producers
• “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), A Celador Films Production, Christian Colson, Producer

I say:

Given those five films, Slumdog was the correct choice.

They said:

Original screenplay

• “Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics), Written by Courtney Hunt
• “Happy-Go-Lucky” (Miramax), Written by Mike Leigh
• “In Bruges” (Focus Features), Written by Martin McDonagh
• “Milk” (Focus Features), Written by Dustin Lance Black
• “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Original story by Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter

I say:

COME ON ALREADY. Enough with the Milk bullcrap. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE who has seen In Bruges knows that this movie should have won this category EASILY. Once again, a political WRONG choice.

There are many other categories that I could go on about, but let's be honest: nobody cares about those.

Some Movies I Have Watched Recently

Here's a few of the movies I have watched recently, complete with my star rating (out of four).

Basic Instinct (1992) **1/2

Choke (2008) **

Coffy (1973) *1/2

Boys Don't Cry (1999) ***

Defiance (2008) **1/2

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008) **1/2

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008) *

The Midnight Meat Train (2008) ***

The Basketball Diaries (1995) ***1/2

The Fall (2006) (released in 2008) ****

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) ***1/2

Drug of the Day: Doxylamine succinate

Doxylamine is a member of the ethanolamine class of antihistamines and is the second most powerful antihistamine available (after diphenhydramine, the main ingredient in Benadryl). Although second in allergy-fighting power, it is first in sedating power (amongst the OTC drugs), making it a popular choice for sleep medications.

When combined with vitamin B6, it is also used to treat morning-sickness in pregnant women.

The Office, Be Mature

In some ways, the show, "The Office," has ruined my ability to view certain words or phrases completely objectively.

Yesterday, at the bookstore, I was putting away books. On top of the stack, was a book titled, "Do Hard Things."

"That's what she said," I immediately thought. Then I smiled, and put the book away.

The next book in the stack was titled, "Be Mature."

"OK, OK, fine..."

The various ways of impersonating a chicken

"Caw-kaw! Caw-kaw! A cockle-doodle-doo! A cockle-doodle-doo!"

Three Cheers for MIT!

For those of us who simply enjoy learning new things, MIT OpenCourseWare provides the perfect opportunity to access a high level of educational courses for free. With about 1,800 different courses to choose from, it is indeed an appealing offering.

No registration required, self-paced (obviously), and free (except for the cost of the textbook, should you choose to purchase it).

I think I may start the course "Principles of Pharmacology".

Way to go, MIT. Kudos for sharing.

Go here to check it out.

Drug of the Day: Noscapine

One of the least well-known yet possibly-significant of the alkaloids of the opium poppy is called noscapine (formerly known as narcotine). In the research done thus far, noscapine has been shown to be not only a very safe cough suppressant (safer even than the more common dextromethorphan), but also shows promise for being effective in treating cancer and stroke.

More information on this potentially-great drug can be found here.

Also a good article on the prostate-cancer-fighting possibilities of noscapine.

Northern Exposure

One of the great (and unfortunately under-appreciated by the current generation) pieces of American television art is the show Northern Exposure. NE was "indie" before people knew what "indie" was. While most shows were cranking out jokes OR drama, NE was cleverly adapting them to each other, and quite well. I just thought of this because I put in a DVD (that I thought was blank) and it had Northern Exposure episodes on it so I started watching them. And you know what I realized? I have never seen an episode of Northern Exposure that I did not enjoy. That's all.

Nobody's Favorite, Part 2

Welcome to the second edition of "Nobody's Favorite."

MOVIE: Return to Sleepaway Camp

ANALYSIS: The original Sleepaway Camp is considered something of a standard for the ultimate in cheesy 80's horror. Return to Sleepaway Camp, the fifth installment in the "Sleepaway Camp" series continues in this tradition of hopefully-on-purpose cheesiness. Sure, it had it's fun moments, like watching Vincent Pastore's face eaten by rats, and overall, taking it for what it is, Return to Sleepaway Camp isn't really any worse than one would expect. As a matter of fact, in a somewhat shameful way, it's fun to watch. However, there are deep-set problems with this movie: cheesy-on-purpose "horror" movies made in modern times do not come across with the same campy joy as the B-movie-quality fare of the 1980's. Even made as a tongue-in-cheek sequel, Return simply doesn't cut it. Anyone who is actually and admits to being a fan of the "Sleepaway Camp" series will likely list the first (or second or third) installments as being their "favorite." The only actor in this movie who even possibly has a fan-base is Vincent Pastore. And you can be sure that anyone who is a fan of Pastore does not list this movie as their favorite.

CONCLUSION: Return to Sleepaway Camp is nobody's favorite movie.

Just Another Small Way of Saying, "We Own You"

$1.25 is not a good price for a 20 ounce soft drink. Yet every day, students all over the UNR campus shell out their hard-earned (or daddy-given, as the case too often seems to be) cash for one of these delicious concoctions of diabetes and heart disease.

At least, that's how it was until the Fall semester of 2008. It was at this time that the University of Nevada decided to, once again, show the students who's boss. The price was raised to $1.50 for a 20-ounce bottle. The price of cans, however, remained at 75¢/12 oz. Since that semester, I have noticed a sharp drop in the number of students walking around campus with a bottle, and increase in the number of students walking around with cans. And why not? Is the "convenience" of a re-sealable vessel of refreshment really worth an extra 5¢/4 ounces? Apparently, not to the students of UNR.

So it would seem, at first glance, that the students won. Rather than the university raking in that extra 5¢/4 ounces on the jacked-up bottle prices, students outsmarted the administration and simply switched to cans! Haha!

Wrong. This is all part of the University administration's master deception. For you see, while students only begrudgingly shelled out 25¢/4 ounces in the superior vessel of a bottle just 8 months ago, they now joyously (and some think, "deviously") shell out the same for an inferior can. It's a win for the U's profits all around: they now sell more of the higher-profit-margin cans, and still sell a few bottles at a now-increased profit margin.

There is one clear winner in this whole ordeal: me. Because I don't buy soda out of machines. Ever.

Trucker or Psychologist?

Why did I go to college? This photo clearly illustrates that I would make a better trucker than psychologist:

Ohhhh that's why: my glasses. They transform me from possible trucker to nerdy animal-experimenting psychology grad student:

Ah clarity.

Chimps!

Here are a couple of pictures of a few of the cross-fostered sign-language-speaking chimpanzees whose daily lives occupy my (paid) time at the Psychobiology of Language lab at the University of Nevada.

Baby Washoe:

The human companions would often look at magazines with the chimps to elicit signs for various items that the chimps would see in the pictures.

Moja (bigger chimp) and Tatu

The chimps' favorite games were "chase" and "tickle", but they also highly enjoyed being pulled around in the wagon. Moja (the bigger, older chimp) loved to "mother" Tatu. She (Moja) always wanted to carry Tatu around on her back (the way mother chimps in the wild carry their young).

Nobody's Favorite, Part 1

So thinking about Stephen Baldwin earlier reminded me of the extremely crappy 2000 "prequel" to the 1994 Flintstones movie, known as The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. Naturally, I thought of this based on S. Baldwin's crappy role as Barney Rubble in this very crappy movie.

Thinking of this crappy movie made me start to think: is The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas anybody's favorite movie? The answer, I believe (after careful analysis), is "no."

Which leads us into a "series" of posts (which will simply be posted as I or Ben think of them, as an ever-continuing series found exclusively here, on theboringthings.com) about things that are definitely nobody's favorite. Nobody in the world.

There are three basic categories that movies/shows/actors/etc. will be classed into:

1. Nobody's favorite. To qualify for this category, the things in question cannot be ANYBODY's favorite in the world at ANY given time. This is the "ultimate loser" category.

EXAMPLE: the movie Dark Romances Volume 2 is nobody's favorite movie. Ever.

2. Always somebody's favorite. These are things that are probably always, at some point in time, somebody in the world's favorite. However, typically these things are only a transient favorite, meaning it may be somebody's "favorite" at a certain phase in their lives, but not on a permanent basis. Because there are so many people in the world, at any given time someone will have this as their "favorite" item (in whatever category, ie actor/movie/show/etc.).

EXAMPLE: Actress Kristen Johnston (recently in Bride Wars) is likely, at any given time, to be at least somebody's favorite actress.

3. Somebody's favorite. Like #2, this actor/show/movie/etc. is always somebody in the world's favorite. This means that this item has at least ONE person in the world for whom this is their more or less "permanent" favorite, ie it is always somebody's favorite, and not necessarily on a rotational basis.

EXAMPLE: the movie Fight Club is somebody's favorite movie

So now, for this first edition of "Nobody's Favorite":

MOVIE: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas

ANALYSIS: As a part of the Flintstones franchise, this movie would, at first glance, seem to be an "Alway's Somebody's Favorite" movie. This, however, is not the case. Why? The first live-action Flintstones movie from 1994 is head and shoulders above this "prequel." So if someone is, indeed, a "die-hard" Flintstones fan, their favorite movie will the 1994 edition or one of the cartoon ones. What about actors? Although this movie does contain a few actors who could potentially fall in the "Always Somebody's Favorite" (such as Kristen Johnston) or even (possibly) "Somebody's Favorite" (Stephen Baldwin), those actors are in other movies/shows which would bump out The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas as the actor-fan's "favorite" movie.

CONCLUSION: The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas is nobody's favorite movie.

Servitude

I am 100% anti-slavery. I think indentured servants also have it rough. I think having butlers and maids is absolute stupidity and the height of laziness.

Yet... If I could have just a little help, for just 1 hour a week, what would I ask of such help?

Iron my clothes.



I hate ironing. I have to iron countless shirts and pants to appear professional each day every week, and I am terrible at it, and to do it just slightly above the level of pure, wrinkled trash, I spend WAY too much time on this menial, superficial task.* And for all I try, I can never get certain spots just right. No amount of steam or extra heat can help.

I hate, and suck at, ironing. Forced servitude is wrong, but for just 1 hour per week (I'd even pay them a small sum!) someone needs to do all my ironing.

If you had such help for just 1 hour per week, what task would you relinquish?

*No, the reason it takes me so long is NOT because I iron under water.

It's Official

I have officially decided that the only good movie that has ever existed and featured Stephen Baldwin in at least a semi-prominent role is The Usual Suspects.

Now, I will grant that I have not seen all of S. Baldwin's movies, or even most of them. But as I peruse the vast vaults of IMDB.com, it seems fairly clear that S. Baldwin has only been in one good movie. Ever.

If you take issue with this, please state your case.

 

<-- FAIL

My History Month

Where's my mixed-heritage-history month? The Scotch/British/Cherokee/German(?) mix would make for a very fascinating and scintillating month of history that everyone else should participate in. You damn well better be interested in my heritage, or you're an intolerant bigot.

You Know What Month It Is!

I certainly do. Amazon, eBay, every newsletter I get reminds me that it's Black History Month.

GOOD GOLLY I am intolerant*. I find these notices so very very annoying.  Amazon told me 

Because you have purchased United States history books from Amazon.com, we'd like to invite you to celebrate Black History Month with popular titles honoring the struggles and accomplishments of African Americans.

Oh would you like to invite me to do that? That is so very special. You'd like to invite me to spend money on books about a culture and people that are technically irrelevant to me (unless we're talking about peanut butter, thank you George Washington Carver). It's not that I don't care about the history and the struggles of our African-American brethren, I do.  BUT I DON'T WANT TO BUY A BUNCH OF NEW BLACK PEOPLE BOOKS SO THAT I CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. "Oh look! He's reading a book written by W.E.B. DuBois! He must be a wonderful person with lots of black friends. Let's pat him on the back and give him a high five!"

Have a happy Black History Month.

*of spam telling me it's Black History Month

The Arctic Fox

I need to ship a touchscreen monitor to someone.

I need to find my !*&#$ notebook (really bothers me that I can't).

I need to pick up the waste oil, and then the good oil, from the North side of town.

I need to put in a few hours at the lab.

i am insane....,,,,..,,,,...,,,...

What an Insensitive Lout

I decided that that lout was simply too insensitive.

Toy Story 2

Writing on a toilet seat cover dispenser in a bathroom in the EJCH building on the UNR campus:

"I think Toy Story 2 was OK."

THAT guy!

I have become "that guy" in so many different ways... and I loathe it... yet I do not see it changing anytime soon.

Therefore, I will embrace it, and in the words of ol' Palpy, "Let the hate flow through you!"

(The above quote only serves to reinforce my point. I didn't have to add it, yet I did.)

VisualHub {R.I.P.}

As I conveyed in this post, the woes of trying to encode and burn DVDs are many.

Ben, your suggestion, as appreciated as it was, was sadly only applicable to those vast majority of people running Windows instead of Mac OSX.

Then I discovered VisualHub.

Oh. My. Goodness.

What a wonderful piece of software. 

First, it encoded and burned three hours of video into a standard DVD-video. In one hour.

Second, it encoded and burned OVER SIX HOURS of DVD-video in what it called "low" quality but the quality is actually better than I've ever seen Toast burn, and completely watchable.

And sadly, VisualHub is no longer offered. I am lucky lucky lucky to have grabbed a copy of it while I could. I guess the lesson here is, like all good things, it too must come to an end.

Now excuse me, I have some Damages to watch...

Stanley moments

I think most people would agree that "Angry Stanley Hudson" is the most entertaining version of Stanley Hudson. Yes, it's true Stanley's laughing spells are infectious. And yes, it is also true that "Apathetic Stanley Hudson" has some great lines and makes some great faces while doing his crosswords. BUT, those moments just make the angry moments all the greater for their rarity and severity.

Sunday night's Super Bowl "The Office" included a quick but amazing montage of "Angry Stanley" moments. Savor them repeatedly.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Meh. Kinda tasteless.

Where the Mind Wanders At Night

Last night I went to bed and couldn't sleep.  It's interesting where the mind wanders when you can't sleep. 

- First, I thought of that night (over six months ago) when a car full of hoodlums drove by my van and smashed the front window. 

- Then I fantasized that I had chased them down (but they didn't know it was me). 

- Then I imagined pulling in front of them right before a stop light, and then going into reverse and ramming their little car with my van.

- Then I thought of how they might be blamed for rear-ending me, making it all the sweeter.

- Then I realized that the skid marks on the road would show that I had backed into them.

- So then I tried to think of a way to make skid marks that would show that they had rear-ended me. I could not think of one.

- So if you can think of a way to back into someone and have the police believe that they, in fact, rear-ended you, please let me know.

Their car when I was through with them ---> 

MacBook

After over five years of loyal service from my trusty iBook G4, it was time to move onward, upward.

And thus it is that I write this post from my brand new MacBook G5. I still have many things to explore on this computer, so I will keep this short. I only hope that this Mac will give me the same stable, reliable performance that I received for so many years from my trusty G4 (which, by the way, is still functioning perfectly and will be transferred to the loving hands of a new owner).

Here's to the future!