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Book reviews on Cross-Fostered Chimpanzees

So I recently finished reading two great books about two different cross-fostered chimpanzees. The books are Lucy: Growing Up Human by Maurice K. Temerlin, and Nim Chimpsky: The Chimp Who Would Be Human by Elizabeth Hess. Both were great reads, and make for interesting comparisons between not only two different cross-fostered (ie raised by humans in a human environment) chimpanzees, but also between the views on cross-fostering and its consequences back in 1975 (when Temerlin's Lucy was written) and now (2008, when Hess' Nim Chimpsky was written). Also of note in comparing the two books is the first-person account of Temerlin (he and his wife raised Lucy) versus Hess' third-person journalistic account, written years after The Nim Chimpsky Project.

Lucy is a quick, entertaining read. Temerlin, while not a "professional" writer by any means, writes a narrative of raising Lucy that is both fascinating and charming. Scientific? Not really. Unlike most of his cross-fostering counterparts, Temerlin was not an experimental psychologist, but a psychotherapist. Thus, the audience is treated to Freudian interpretations of both the author's and Lucy's behaviors. In many ways Temerlin's book tells us much more about Temerlin himself than Lucy. Still, a great read.

Nim Chimpsky does not read as quickly or fluidly as Lucy, despite the fact that Hess is clearly a superior writer. The third-person after-the-fact account of Nim Chimpsky gives the reader a better idea of everything going on around Nim throughout his life. In many ways, it reads like several miniature biographies of those involved in raising Nim and in Project Nim in general.

Overall, three conclusions can be made from reading these books:

1. Cross-fostered chimpanzee studies really do show how closely-related humans and chimpanzees are.

2. Cross-fostered chimpanzee studies also show how incredibly different and wholly "not human" chimpanzees are. They are wild animals. In both Lucy and Nim's stories, chimpanzee adulthood ultimately led to the chimp being sent to a sanctuary or other facility equipped to handle adult chimps.

3. Although useful (at the time they were done) for increasing our understanding of chimpanzee intelligence and behavior, chimpanzees should not be raised in human homes or in captivity at all. They are not a domesticated animal, and even the best in-captivity environment is worse for chimpanzees than living in the wild.

Listen

There are so many choices in life.

I have made some pretty poor ones.

I've also made some good ones.

I like the good ones better.

Price Pfister

Price Pfister is my new pfavorite brand of pfaucet. I love it when companies keep things pfresh.

Not only do they make a great faucet, but their name appeals to both the older generation, who are used to "two last name" companies (Montgomery Ward, Sears Roebuck, etc.), AND they appeal to the current generation, who think the name is referencing how great their prices are. How do you jam so much quality into so little price?

Walking Home from the Pick-n-Pull

So, remember that last blog where I said I found an original Mercedes First Aid Kit box? Well, when I took it up to the front, the clerk looked at it, and then looked at me like, "WTH do you want me to do with this?" so I said,

"How much..." to which he cut me off and said, "Have a nice day."

"Thank you!" I was happy that the trip to the junkyard hadn't been a total waste.

So walking home, it's a fairly busy road with no sidewalk, so I just had to walk all the way on the outside edge of the street. As cars zoomed by me, and I couldn't help but think how ironic it would be to be hit by a car while carrying a First Aid Kit. A First Aid Kit with only three original "first aid" items left in it: gauze, aspirin, and ammonia inhalant.

I was so busy thinking about this that I didn't even notice when a car made a wide left turn and came towards me. Everything went black. When I woke up (it was apparently only seconds later, but I had no sense of how much time had passed) I noticed that the edge of the passenger-side bumper had given me a gash, right below the knee. The guy didn't even notice (or did, and it was a "hit and run") because he just kept driving away.

First thing I thought of was, "call 911" so I whipped out my cell phone, called them and told them where I was and about my (now heavily bleeding) gashed leg.

As shock wore off a sharp pain shot through my leg. There was blood coming out of the wound, pretty rapidly. I grabbed the gauze roll out of the First Aid Kit box and wrapped it around my leg as tightly as I could to try and stop the bleeding. I felt myself beginning to pass out, "No," I thought, "I have to stay conscious until the ambulance arrives." I grabbed one of the ammonia inhalants and took a big whiff, "Whoa!" that woke me up. I wonder if those aspirins are any good anymore. I took them, although they were a bit crumbled they were still white so I figured they were ok.

When the EMTs arrived, they couldn't believe that I was waiting for them, conscious. Unfortunately the First Aid Kit had fallen by the side of the road and the EMTs didn't grab it. When I went back later, the box was gone.

Of course, none of the above actually happened... oh except for I did get a free First Aid Kit box from Pick-n-Pull. That part was true.

Adventures and Revelations at the Pick-n-Pull

So today I went to Pick-n-Pull, the "pull your own car parts" junkyard, hoping to find some old Mercedes diesels so I could pull the glow plugs and resell them on eBay at a profit. Unfortunately, I didn't bring any tools because Pick-n-Pull used to lend you some of their own "yard tools" if you didn't bring your own. When I got there I inquired about the yard tools and was told, "No, we don't have tools for you to use anymore. But we do have tools for sale, if you need them!"

"No thanks, I'll look around the yard first and then if I need tools I'll come buy some."

"OK."

There would be no point in buying tools if there were no Mercedes diesels on the lot. So, I walked down every row of foreign cars and sure enough, no Mercedes diesels. There were, however, a few gasoline Mercedes cars, including one that still had the original First Aid Kit. So, I grabbed that, thinking that I might be able to resell that at a profit if it was cheap enough.

So, I wandered the junk yard, looking at broken down cars of every vintage. I love seeing which cars are common, which are uncommon, which are cool, which are unique. Of newer cars, you're most likely to find lots of Hyundais, Kias, and other such "cheap" car brands. Of course the older cars were mostly German or American. I discovered three things exploring the yard:

1. I want a Volkswagon Squareback. What an awesome car. Two front doors and then a rear hatch which opens into a

space which can be a cargo area OR a rear-facing back seat. How awesome is that? Small enough to get decent gas mileage, but cool enough to have a rear-facing back seat? Awesome. The only other cars I have seen with rear-facing back seats are cars like the...

2. Chevrolet Caprice Estate. It's a gigantic station wagon, and the third row (or is it the fourth row?) seat faces the rear. It is truly a gigantic car. If it weren't for the fact that it doesn't look as cool as the Squareback, and probably only gets 3-4 miles-per-gallon of gas, I would want one of these as well.

3. If I ever again own an 80's vintage GM/Chevy car, I am going to find out how

compatible/swappable the seats between other GM/Chevy brands are with whatever car I have. Why? Because I have now experienced an early 80's Buick Fifth Avenue's plush seats. I mean, they are AMAZING. I have never sat in a car seat that felt so much like sinking into a comfortable recliner.

That's enough for one post, I'll tell you my exciting adventure of a walk home from the Pick-n-Pull in the next few days.

Clean Ass A Whistle!

Every now and then I come up with a brilliant idea that I have neither the knowledge to develop myself, nor the gumption to seek out a developer for.

This is one of those cases.

The idea: a pill that you take once a day that makes you poop "cleanly".

Description: ever had one of those dumps where, after a few turds plop out, you go to wipe and *gasp!* there is NO POOP on the toilet paper. You try again, to no avail! You have taken a CLEAN DUMP.

Well, imagine a once-a-day pill that could GUARANTEE a clean dump EVERY TIME or your money back? Imagine how much you'd save on toilet paper!

Anyhow, I'm claiming this idea right here, right now on this blog. If you develop such a miracle pill and make a killing, please send me $10,000 for the idea. That's all I'm asking. If, however, you refuse this generous offer, I will sue you for being an idea-stealer and probably end up with even MORE of your money. $10,000 is a bargain for this groundbreaking and insanely profitable product.

So get to work on my "Clean Ass A Whistle" pills, please. I'm broke and could really use that $10,000. As a bonus incentive to get you know-how types to work, I'm including a FREE product name "Clean Ass A Whistle"® (you'll actually have to do the trademark registration part, but it'll be totally worth it to have that name). In addition, you can use the small motto to include on your bottles: "No more toilet paper! No more tears!" which has the double meaning of "no more tearing your toilet paper" and "no more crying because it hurts when you wipe".

Yes, indeed, $10,000 is nothing short of an INSANE bargain for all that you're getting for free. I mean, you've got the product use, a name, a motto... all you need to do is actually make these pills (and make them work so you'll get rich).

*Note, if at a later date this future-product is found to cause ass-cancer, I will not be held responsible for coming up with the idea. All product liability comes with the $10,000 sale price. Please seek the manufacturer of this product for compensation for your pain, suffering, and medical bills. At the same time, don't be TOO hard on them. Try to remember "the good times" of years of wipe-free pooping. Thank you.

The Free MacBook Dilemma

So recently a friend of a friend of mine (I literally do not know who this person is as I write this) supposedly ordered a MacBook from Apple and was sent two. They were only charged for one. Seeking the infinite wisdom of the internet, they decided to poll friends on what to do in this ethical dilemma.

My answer is keep both. If you send one back, then the one you keep WILL end up having horrible problems and you'll have a whole hassle and the company will just end up replacing the one you kept, and probably with the one you sent back.

Getting two should be considered a gift from Providence/God, who knows best what the future holds. He thought you needed two. Who are YOU to question His infinite wisdom?

BUT my final answer? Return the extra MacBook. The fact that you are asking "What should I do" shows that you would feel guilty about keeping both. If you keep both you'll always feel guilty about the second and never be able to enjoy your fortuitous free MacBook. Just send it back. Or, you could try calling Apple and see what they say. Maybe they'll say, "Um... nope just checked our inventory, we didn't send you anything extra. So whatever you got it's yours." At this point you can argue with them that you most certainly DID receive something extra in your shipment, but if you do that then just send both MacBooks back because you clearly don't deserve either of them.

TODAY... 4/1/11 @ 1am

Defeat.