Sunday, September 12, 2010

Some random boring summer musings to celebrate the beginning of fall...

· Sometimes, I feel like murdering...

o Baristas who make you repeat your order more than once

o Slow drivers in the left lane (and all bad drivers)

o Reality TV fans who treat reality TV as if it matters

o Facebook and Twitter users who are overly positive

o Faux-hippie urban hipsters

o Guys who say "stoked" or "brah"

o People who type and write in "Internet/chat speak"

o People who go to sporting events but don't care about what's happening in the game

o Referees and umpires who make bad calls

o People who misuse the expressions "That's ironic" and "What a coincidence"

o 99% of retail employees who are unhelpful, lack knowledge about their store and products, and are rude

o People who quote pithy quotes and Bible verses thinking that they're being smart or inspiring

o The majority of Yankees and Red Sox fans

o Extreme political and/or religious ideologues and zealots

o Loud, annoying, and obnoxious children

o People who espouse uneducated opinions with which I vehemently disagree

· Places I never want to visit:

o Florida

o Inhabited towns/cities in Texas

o Alabama

o West Virginia

o Arkansas

o North and South Dakota

o Detroit

o Cleveland

o New Jersey

· Censored embarrassing and horrible thoughts I had, but would never admit to another person:

o _________s really are terrible drivers...and other such stereotypes which are true...

o I wonder what it feels like to ________ a person...

o Why are they still alive? What value do they get from living?

o I wonder how I can steal that and sell it without getting caught...

o I wonder what would happen if I rammed into a tree at about 125mph...

o I'd ___ that.

o I'd ___ that after a few drinks.

o I'd never ___ that regardless of how many drinks I had.

o I wonder who would be the best friend to ask to help me rob ____________.

o There should be an age at which people aren't allowed to ever leave their homes again.

o He/she will have at least a few unplanned children and become drains upon the social welfare net

2 comments:

Joe said...

You speak to my heart, Ben. So many things that I also have thought in many and various times.

The Boring Things will live on...

Anonymous said...

I should also add "Anyone in front of me in any line - ever" to the 'murder' list.