Jack LaLanne dead!

Yes, on January 23, 2011, fitness-guy Jack LaLanne died.

Initial reports are that his juicer stopped working just hours before his death. While Mr. LaLanne normally keeps a few spares in his closet for just such an emergency, a new employee of Mr. LaLanne's had failed to restock the juicer closet after the second-to-last one died a few months ago (Mr. LaLanne goes through about 10 juicers a year).

"We knew Jack loved to drink a freshly-made glass of vegetable and fruit juice about once every hour, we just didn't realize that it was the only thing keeping him alive," a source close to Mr. LaLanne told us. "Jack will be greatly missed, and we're not sure how his untimely departure will effect juicer sales yet," the source said, noting that while sales could be hurt from the news that Mr. LaLanne was not immortal, they could also be helped by the fact that it was the juicer keeping Mr. LaLanne alive.

In a celebration of Mr. LaLanne's life, a special sale on the Jack LaLanne Juicer will be aired from 3-4AM on the morning of January 25, 2011, on the CW network. "I don't want to share too many details, but let's just say buyers can expect to receive not one, not two, but three copies of the 'Juice for Life' recipe book. In addition, callers who call within the first 15 minutes of the special will get two juicers for the price of one," an employee of Mr. LaLanne's told us, a quiver of excitement in his voice.

We respectfully raise a glass (of juice) to the life and memory of Jack LaLanne.