Hormel

I'm thankful. And grateful. To Google.

Sure, they DO apparently crawl through my Gmail account mailbox, looking for better ways to advertise specifically to me (and still, many times, come up laughably wrong). But, they also have an excellent spam filtering service that only on RARE occasion filters a real email. And at my Gmail account, I DO get spam. TONS of spam. Since late last night, when I emptied the spam box, it has already refilled itself with 60 (check that... 61) more spam messages.

Every now and then, I do enjoy looking through the spam box to see all the many and creative ways that spammers have come up with to try to get me to open their email messages. "Re: Grandma's will", "Did you get the check I sent you?", "re: job application", "Policy change: please open", "Use Twitter... earn cash", and who could forget the multitude of "Increase your manhood".

So apparently, there are three main questions that most people ask before opening an email:

"Oh, it says 'RE': did I get an email back from someone?"

"Am I missing out on money or a way to earn money?"

and

"Oh, is a very legitimate-looking foreign pharmacy interested in helping me with my love life?"

So... thanks Google, for filtering my spam. Because although I enjoy the occasional jaunt through Spamland, most of the time I just don't want to see it.

The Zeal for Pharma Thrust!

In my many and varied travels across the world wide web, I have come across quite a few peculiar items. One of those items I just happened to cross today? A startup Indian pharmaceutical company, Shreeji Pharma International. Apparently, even in this terrible economy (ever worsened by unstimulating stimulus packages), startup companies recognize the value of having a strong English motto. And thus it is, that we see Shreeji Pharma's inspired slogan:

The dilemma of time and space

Meat and cheese are essential to my diet, and I have $4 off coupons for both at Fred Meyer. I need new sandals, and I have a 25% off coupon for men's footwear from Fred Meyer. I also would like a new shirt or two for summer, and also have a 25% off coupon for men's clothing from Fred Meyer.

All of these coupons expire July 25th.

I have absolutely nothing to do between this very moment and midnight July 26th, giving myself ample time to go grocery shopping, shoe shopping, and clothes shopping at Fred Meyers, which is only 10 minutes from my apartment.

Yet, I know that there are so many things I COULD be spending my time doing, such as reading, preparing lessons for the upcoming school year, or even exploring my dormant faith in case the world ends this week before my coupons expire. I have a half-tank of gas, so that doesn't preclude me from running errands. It is about 90 degrees today and it will get even hotter later this week, but both my car and Fred Meyer have air conditioning. Also, once I finally do go to the store, I will have food and amenities so there will be no need to leave again for at least several more days.

So, my own motivation and laziness notwithstanding, what shall I do to solve this dilemma of time and space?

Lay on the floor until inspiration strikes.

Are We Not Men? We are the Boring Things!

As this blog has slowly degenerated into infrequent updates and mostly Junk Food Interest posting topics, I began to think, "What is the future of The Boring Things in Life?"

The future, my friends, IS The Boring Things in Life. Unlike the vast majority of bloggers, who post for a short while before quickly realizing that no one gives a crap about their blog, they're not making an impact in any way, and all their posts are completely irrelevant entertainment fast-food, The Boring Things will buck this trend and continue to survive and thrive in the face of these facts.

"How can you continue if you already have come to the point of recognizing your own irrelevancy?" you may ask.  Because we enjoy reading our own witticisms. I occasionally go back over me and Ben's older posts and comments on older posts, and still get an enjoyable chuckle out of our drollery. Why would I (or we) stop posting, when through this blog we can encapsulate so many precious moments of our own brilliance for many years to come? 

To stop posting would be to stop reminding myself of the clever thought I had a week ago. And why would I want to risk losing those gems to the nonexistence of unrecorded history?

FunYuns vs. OnYums

So, after watching the excellent show "Breaking Bad" the other day, in which they briefly discuss FunYuns, I got a hankering to eat some.

As expected, they were delicious. However, the next day in the store, I noticed an "off-brand" called "Randolph's" that made a similar-looking snack called "OnYums."  AND, for the same price as a bag of FunYuns, the bag was 0.75 ounces larger. I decided to give it a shot.

OnYums are no FunYuns. They don't have that perfect FunYun texture, and they taste, well, like onion-flavored potato things. Which is what they are.

Don't get me wrong: OnYums, in their own right, are not bad. BUT: if you are craving FunYuns, OnYums are NOT an acceptable substitute. You have been warned.