You Disappoint Me, Ubisoft

I thought Ubisoft had an awesome idea. I thought they had morphed Splinter Cell from a third-person stealth-action shooter to a third-person stealth-action shooter with moral consequences. Sadly, they did not.

I'm talking about the last in the Splinter Cell series of games, "Double Agent". Yes, I know, it came out in 2006. Yes, I know it is only the third-newest Splinter Cell game. That's just how long it takes games to get cheap enough for me to buy them.

OK, so what was I talking about in the first paragraph? You see, in this latest Splinter Cell, they employed a sort of "choice" system on various decisions. One choice moves you closer to trust with the Feds, the other closer to trust with the terrorists (who, in neat PC form, are white supremacists). These choices can influence those crappy "in between" videos (ie "You let your friend die!" or "You saved your friend!", etc.). The problem, though, is that when it finally comes down to it (at the last level), you only have ONE choice: to finish the mission on the side of the Feds and defuse the 3 nuclear bombs that have been set in NYC.

"Why?" I ask. Why can I choose to be a despicable person throughout the ENTIRE game, making ALL the "wrong" decisions, but in the end my choice is "defuse or lose" rather than "defuse or let 'er blow."

Perhaps Ubisoft simply felt that giving players the choice to nuke NYC was "too much." Funny, though... they DO allow you to nuke LA and Nashville...

Smoker Man

The state of Utah's latest anti-smoking campaign is called "Fight the Ugly". It involves a variety of commercials depicting the "ugly" side of smoking. One component of their campaign is a fake action figure commercial for "The One Who Can't", Smoker Man. The commercial mimics other kids' action figure commercials, citing facts about why Smoker Man is inferior to the other "superheroes" in the "ad".

Interestingly, one of Smoker Man's superior superheroes is "Speedy Man." What message does this send? "Smoking will kill you, but meth will make you a speedy hero!"

And by the way: I bet if somebody started actually selling a "Smoker Man" action figure it would be a hot seller.

Pool It Up

Ah that was the first time I've gone swimming in a *LONG* time. As least a couple of years. It was nice.

Now, after a couple of antihistamines (diphenhydramine) and a nice sit in the hot tub, I am SO ready to go to sleep.

I ♥ Iowa

OK, I admit it. I've been sucked in. The small town charm, the rustic buildings. Winterset, Iowa has it all. I really, really like this town (and this state). But, I still don't want to live here.

Living in a small town would certainly have its advantages and disadvantages.

Example:

Advantage: Everybody knows you.

Disadvantage: Everybody knows you.

I'll post a video of the actual covered bridges here in Madison County. Apparently, if you:

A: Have an IQ below 80.

B: Have a marker or pen or knife

and C: think (keyword here) you have something to say, you are qualified to write a message on one or all of the bridges. That exciting video (with commentary!) coming soon.

Let's All Go to Camp!

While driving on I-80 through Nebraska, we passed a gas station / campground place. What entertained me, however, was the sign for the place, which read simply "Gas Camp".  Unfortunately, I couldn't grab my camera quick enough to snap a picture for this blog.

Almost immediately after seeing the sign, I began dreaming up what a "Gas Camp" would consist of: beans for lunch everyday (except for Special Treat Day, when they load into a bus and go to Taco Bell), exercises which are conducive to flatulence, and parents holding noses as they drop off their kids at Gas Camp.

"Gas Camp: come have fun at the only camp where we put the FUN in FlatUleNce!"

I want to be friends with this guy. But, he'd probably gouge out my eyes and make me wear a visor and put me in charge of engineering...

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What Was Wrong With Enterprise

Earlier today I was thinking about the variety of reasons why Star Trek Enterprise was such an epic failure and easily the worst Star Trek show ever.

1. The theme song. For the first time, they tried to use a pop song as the Star Trek intro/theme song. That does not work for Star Trek. Star Trek themes have always been orchestrated pieces that make you think of adventure and wonder. This theme, while a perfectly fine song, does not work as a Star Trek theme in the least. Right off the bat, this intro is a major turn off for any fan of the show.

2. The uniforms. The "still sort of a space uniform but transitioning into a Star Trek style uniform" thing doesn't work. They all look like they're mechanics at Billy Bob's Towing Service.

3. Focus on the characters' stories. Traditionally, Star Trek has let the viewer get to know many of the crew members quite well. Their backgrounds, their story, how they got in Starfleet, etc. BUT, the previous shows focused on the quality stories of the various species, exploration, battles, etc., and only occasionally done a "character focus" episode, usually seamlessly weaving the characters' stories into the larger plot of the show. In "Enterprise", MANY of the episodes told the "story" of a crew member. This resulted in boring plotlines and also took the "mystery" away from many of the characters.

4. Scott Bakula. The guy looks like a cartoon. Star Trek captains have always had a certain strength. Bakula completely lacks this and comes across as a joke of a captain.