Moving

Well, it's about time to go back to school and finish my Master's degree.

I'm glad to be getting back to it, and doubly glad to be doing it with all my faculties in tip-top shape.

I think Jelly is excited about the move.

Jemaine Harkins

The following is actual phone conversation between myself and a bookstore customer.
WARNING: the following content may be disturbing if dumb people bother you.

ME: [bookstore name], how may I help you?
CUSTOMER: Hello, do you have any Jemaine Harkins?
ME: No, I don't think we do. Let me check though. Is he a musical artist? How do you spell the last name?
CUSTOMER: H-a-r-... *sounding annoyed* Are you new or something?
ME: No, I've been working here for 8 years.
CUSTOMER: OK, because you said you didn't have it before you even looked, and you know that's really...
ME: *continued to search for alternate spellings, such as "Jermaine Hawkins", etc. I find an artist named "Tremaine Hawkins" while she is talking* Ma'am, OK this is probably who you're looking for. TREmaine HAWkins. Does that sound right?
CUSTOMER: Yes, that's exactly what I said to begin with.
ME: Well, Tremaine Hawkins is not the same as Jemaine Harkins. We have or can get stuff by Tremaine Hawkins. What CD were you looking for?
CUSTOMER: Potter's House
ME: OK, it looks like we don't have that in stock, but I can order it for you and have it in 2-3 days, would you like to do that?
CUSTOMER: You know what? Nevermind. I don't like your attitude. *hangs up*
ME: *hang up* Bitch.

Play, Occupation? Playcupation

Kanon Tipton, a 4-year-old son of a pentecostal preacher has been dubbed by some as the "world's youngest preacher." He is a child. A child who (as he himself admits) likes "preaching" because it's what "Daddy does." Most preachers I know who saw this video would not say he is "preaching." He is repeating buzz-words that get a pentecostal crowd excited. Only a pentecostal would consider the empty jargon, backed by emotional exuberance, as being a "message."

So is he really a "preacher"? It depends on your perspective. Is a kid who runs around with plastic handcuffs and a toy gun a policeman? Is a child who wears a white jacket and carries a toy stethoscope a doctor? Is a kid who wears a little suit and excitedly yells empty idioms about God and Jesus a preacher? In the pentecostal church, yes.

There seems to be a disturbing trend in the age of YouTube to label children's play as some sort of a "phenomenon." Because a child is particularly cute, or accurate in their play, or caught on video, does NOT indicate that there is "something more" going on.

No no no no

Me and the Captain

A while back (months ago, actually) I received an email in which my assistance was requested on a very important task. I liked the letter so much, that I saved it so I could write about it later. Recently, cleaning out the files on my computer (I cleared over 30 gigabytes of space!), I came across the letter. So, here we go.  The letter is in italics. Non-italicized green notes are my own commentary.


Hello Friend, (you'll notice the very personal greeting)

I am Captain Davidson Mchugh with the United Nations troop in Afghanistan, on war against terrorism. Based on the United States legislative and executive decision that we must evacuate Iraq immediately for Afghanistan, Now we are in Afghanistan military base and I will be redeployed to Europe soonest, come this year September 2010, Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly the United States and the European Union on the war against terrorism. On the other hand, I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of 16.2 million USD, which I got from Iraq. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

- Apparently one can make the rank of Captain in the UN with only a tenuous grasp on grammar. No surprise there: the UN has likely employed sanctions against poor grammar, but that's as far as they're willing to go at this point in time. 

<--- Captain Mchugh, from her Facebook page, getting some R&R with a guy who is probably in her United Nations troop.

- Strangely, a search for Capt. Two-Last-Names yielded only a copy of his personal letter to me (I don't know how someone else got it), and a girl in Britain's Facebook page. I was disturbed by my own sexism, assuming that Captain Davidson Mchugh was a man. Admit it, you thought Capt. Mchugh was a man as well. Also, because the first "H" in "Mchugh" is not capitalized, I have to assume this is NOT (as I at first assumed!) a Scottish name. It is clearly pronounced "M'chuggah" rather than "Mac-Hugh". 
 -It's my lucky day! Capt. Mchugh needs my help with16.2 MILLION dollars, AND (and this is especially exciting) the war in Iraq is over! There was apparently a "legislative and  executive decision" to evacuate Iraq and move everyone to Afghanistan!

- Oh good, the money is not stolen and there are no dangers in me helping the good Cap'n.

SOURCE OF MONEY:

Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein's old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.

 Oh... not stolen... just looted. Totally different.

Click this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

Strangely, the article he cites claims that it was "US troops" rather than "UN troops" who found the money. Pssssh. Typical British news screw-up.

I deposited this money with a Red Cross Agent informing them that we are making contact for the real owner of the money and it is under my power to approve whoever comes forth for the money.

So... Capt. Mchugh lied to the Red Cross. Classy.

I want to invest part of the money as soon as I am redeployed out of this country for a good business, anyway you will advice me on that since I am not a businessperson. I cannot move this money by my self because I will be in Europe for about 3years with big officials, so I need someone I could trust. If you accept, I will transfer the money to you as the beneficiary because I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading with such an amount of money so I need to present someone as the beneficiary.

Investing! Wise! Especially investing in good business, I HATE it when people say, "Oh hey can I borrow some money to invest in bad business?" Those big officials in Europe are so nosy. You can trust me, Cap'n.

I am an American and an intelligence officer for that so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier service .I just need your acceptance and all is done.

 I had a few doubts about Capt. Mchugh at first, but the fact that she is an American AND an intelligence officer puts me at ease. Also good to know that Capt. Mchugh has a 100% authentic means of transferring the money. I've been burned before by couriers who are less than 100% authentic.

Please if you are interested in the transaction, I will give you the complete details you need to carry out this transaction successfully. Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities that are secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in details to you. I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.
Naturally, naturally. Caution first. My Gmail account is totally secure. Why is there an ad for courier services on my sidebar?

If you are interested, please send me your personal mobile number so I can call you for further inquiries when I am out of our military network. I am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if no response after 3days I will then search for someone else.

I'm glad that the Captain took security precautions like signing up for a fresh Yahoo! Mail account before emailing me. It's good to know that in "military networks" phones are monitored, but not internet use. 3 days?!??!???! Opportunity missed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I wait to hearing from you as soon as possible. I will give to you 30% of the sum and 70% is for me if every thing goes well.

I wait for your urgent response.

Regards,

Capt. Davidson Mchugh.

If I had responded within 3 days, I would have $4.86 million. I guess I can only hope that this type of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity comes again. I should check my Spam folder...

Helpful Hints for Bookstore Customers

Thinking about going book shopping at your local Christian bookstore? Here's a few helpful hints so you can make the most of your visit.

- Need help? Walk to the counter and ask like you're an adult. Yelling "Excuse me! Excuse me! I need help!" from whatever section you're in is a bad idea for several reasons:
1) You may (well, probably will) annoy the intrepid employee that comes to help you. Why? Because there may be people ahead of you who (like adults) walked to the front to ask for help.
2) 7 times out of 10, the employee doesn't know off the top of his/her head if the store carries the book/CD/t-shirt/random-gift-item you're looking for, and if the store does carry it, what section it's in. Therefore, the employee will then have to walk back to the counter and check on the computer. This isn't a huge hassle, but it does tend to waste both your and the employee's time. The exception to this rule is if you need help with selecting a Bible. In this case, it is easier to just walk over to the Bibles and help you (the customer) find what you're looking for (this is because Bibles are organized in a very specific way that actually makes it easier to find specific things in person rather than on the computer).
3) There are a lot of different areas of the store, most obscured from sight by tall book shelves. The employee (probably) doesn't know you, and matching voices to faces isn't always easy. Thus, more wasted time.

- In most cases, the employee has not, in fact, read the book you're asking about. Many employees, however, will tell you that they have and that the book/CD/movie is "really good." Employees don't like to sound ignorant, and do like to sell products. Listen to the employee's evaluation of the product: the more general it is, the less likely it is that the employee has actually read the book. Just take everything with a grain of salt, and don't base your decision to buy that new $24.99 hardcover book on an employee's glowing review.

- Related to the above, if you ask about a product and the employee's response is that they "Sell a lot of those," or that it's "really popular", that means they have no personal experience with the product. Also, there is also a chance that the employee is overstating the popularity of the product so you will purchase it.

- Please, please, PLEASE do NOT phone-shop. Reserve calling the store for when you have specific inquiries. There is nothing that employees HATE more than looking for the perfect birthday card for your grandson. In addition, about half the time you will not be satisfied with whatever the employee picked out for you. The only thing MORE annoying than wasting 45 minutes trying to describe things over the phone to you is wasting 45 minutes trying to describe things over the phone to you only to have you come in, decide you do NOT like the item, and then (using your own time and eyes like you should have done to begin with) pick out "the perfect item" in less than 5 minutes.

- If you didn't care enough about saving money to remember to bring your coupon, why should employees care enough about you saving money to find "an extra coupon" for you to use. If you didn't bring your coupon, you can't use the coupon. Period.

I have more, but that's all for now.

All the Cars, Part 4: 1982 Chevy Chevette

Car/Color/Engine: 1982 Chevy Chevette / orange 4-door hatchback / Isuzu 1.8L I4 diesel engine, NA, 51 HP

Features: 5-speed MT, RWD, seats 5

Owned?: yes

Purchased for/from: $600, from a metalworker in Oregon.

Summary: This car had a great running, high-compression, super-fuel-efficient diesel engine. When I could get it to start, it ran well. However, getting it to start was the key. For most of the time I had it, there was a broken glow plug stuck in one of the glow plug holes, meaning that the engine only had the benefit of 3 glow plugs on 4 cylinders to help it start. As such, except during the hottest months of summer, the car could only be started in the morning if the engine block heater was plugged in overnight. I finally got the stuck glow plug out about a month before I sold the car, but then the electrical mechanism powering the glow plugs stopped working correctly and so the car was still extremely difficult to start. The engine was much weaker than my Mercedes engine, but had better acceleration (due to the much lighter weight of the Chevette and the manual transmission). The car would easily go 70 mph on the freeway, but at and above 75 mph the engine strained. Also (unlike the Mercedes) the engine would lose power going up long/steep hills. It didn't lose power to the extent that the Isuzu Trooper did going up hills, but it was sometimes necessary to shift down from 5th to 4th (and sometimes even 3rd) gear. This car was very frustrating to own due to several issues: (aforementioned) starting problems, a jury-rigged alternator bracket that needed adjustment/tightening about once a month, and (this didn't happen until very close to when I sold the car) a need for a new accessory belt (which, due to the alternator bracket not being the original, was a longer belt than the car normally required).

What I Liked: Due to the body style, this car was actually very comfortable for me, giving me lots of head-room. The tilt steering wheel was nice too. Driving around town the car got about 45 mpg, on the freeway it got 50 mpg (55+ mpg if I limited my top speed to 60 mph). Had a cool gold coin installed (by the metalworker I bought it from) on the steering wheel. Peppy manual transmission was fun to drive and shifted very easily and naturally between gears (although 5th gear never felt quite right). Putting the transmission in neutral and revving the engine when someone tailgated me was fun and effective: doing this threw a dark grey smoke cloud right into the tailgater's vehicle, which almost always resulted in them passing me or backing off (this tactic is especially effective against convertibles with the top down). Handled decently in the snow, despite being RWD. Probably for the opposite reason that the Mercedes did well in the snow, ie the Chevette was so light that it more or less drove on top of the snow and ice and didn't sink in.

What I Didn't Like: The massive starting problems. Dealing with stuff falling apart all the time. How difficult the car was to get in and out of (very low to the ground). Having windshield wipers that were always on unless the windshield wiper fuse was popped out. How ugly the car was (a "beater" in every sense of the word). The lack of a headliner, which left the foam under-headliner pad dropping bits of ancient yellow foam on my head. The slowly disintegrating electrical system (by the end the glow plugs, windshield wipers, and turn signals were not functioning correctly). The lack of a passenger-side rear-view mirror. The way the glove compartment door had to be slammed closed in a very specific way in order for it to stay closed. The lack of good door seals, resulting in a somewhat-noisy interior as well as water getting inside the car (which during the winter resulted in frost forming on the INSIDES of the windows, which would have been an issue if the car ever started in the winter). 

What Happened to It: Sold for $650 on eBay to a guy from Spokane. He paid the $50 deposit, and then proceeded to ignore my requests for him to come get the car and pay me the balance. My landlord was selling the house I had been living in, and therefore I had to remove the car from his property. I was moving away from Ellensburg for the summer, and absolutely did NOT want to have to drive the car the 650 miles to Reno. So, when I continued to get no response from the eBay buyer (it was now about 6 weeks after he had originally bought the car on eBay), I posted the car on Craigslist and sold it to a different guy from Spokane, who bought it for $400 with the intention of fixing it up and using it as his commuter car (apparently he had a 30-mile commute to and from work every day and was paying ridiculous sums of money to keep his full-sized pickup's gas tank full). I have not heard from him since the sale, so I have no idea if he got the car fixed and is now enjoying a much-less-expensive commute, or if he gave up and sold the car to someone else, or if he got frustrated with the car's endless problems and pushed it off a cliff (or at least took it to a junkyard). I hope he did get it fixed and is enjoying the 50 mpg.

Two days after I sold it to the second Spokane guy, the eBay guy texted me that he "coming to Ellensburg Wednesday next week to get the car." I politely explained to him (via text) that I had had to get the car off of my landlord's property and, having not heard from him, was forced to sell it to someone else. He then told me that I should go do something to myself, and that he hoped he would "never meet" me. I replied politely, apologizing that I was forced to sell the car to someone else, that I had wanted to sell it to him, and that I actually ended up taking a $200 loss by selling it to someone else. I ended with a suggestion that, in the future, when buying a car, it might be wise to stay in contact with the seller until the transaction is completed. I didn't get a reply, and haven't heard back from him (nor do I expect to).

All the Cars, Part 3: 1979 Mercedes-Benz 300SD

Car/Color/Engine: 1979 Mercedes-Benz 300SD / silver 4-door sedan / 3.0L I5 diesel engine, turbo, 110 HP

Features: 4-speed AT, RWD, PS, A/C (worked occasionally), cruise control (worked on rare occasions), seats 5

Owned?: yes

Purchased for/from: $2,500, including help with veggie-oil conversion. Purchased from a 30-something hippie from California.

Summary: I absolutely loved this car. The engine was converted to run on vegetable oil. I collected waste vegetable oil from two Chinese restaurants, filtered it in the garage, and ran the car on it. During the summer I could run the car on 100% vegetable oil (I never did though, I always added at least 10% diesel to the fuel tank to prevent the vegetable oil from coking [ie forming a sticky sludge] on the injectors), during the winter I would blend in about 10% kerosene and 5% diesel (this thinned the oil so that it would continue to run smoothly even in colder temperatures).  The acceleration on this car was pretty slow, as it has a very heavy body and an automatic transmission. However, once the car got going it had no lack of power, easily climbing hills and cruising the freeway at 75+ mph (I won't say the fastest I ever drove that car, but suffice it to say it was well over 75 mph).

I did a ton of work on this car, and learned most of what I know about cars and diesel engines from owning it. Among the things I did to it: installed a higher-output alternator, installed new brake pads, installed a flat-plate-heat-exchanger, fixed vacuum system leaks, replaced the oil pan gasket, adjusted the idle, and replaced the valve cover gasket. For regular maintenance, I adjusted the valve lifter clearance, changed the oil and oil filter, rotated the tires, and replaced fuel filters.

My vegetable oil conversion on the car consisted of:  fuel-line heaters, injector heaters, a 30-plate flat-plate heat exchanger, an auxiliary inline fuel pump, an auxiliary inline fuel filter, and a switch in the dashboard to turn the heaters on (this on/off switch option was so the car could continue to run on regular diesel fuel as well). My vegetable oil filtering setup consisted of: 55-gallon-drum holding tank and gravity filter which filtered first through old sewn-closed jean legs and then through 1-micron bag filters, a rotary barrel pump, and a Goldenrod inline fuel filter on the hose that went to the car for filling up the fuel tank.

What I Liked: The most comfortable car I've ever driven, decent (for its weight) fuel economy (22-28 mpg, although this wasn't a huge factor since I was running on free fuel), great power on the freeway, roomy trunk and interior, driving a car that was $30,000 when it was new in 1979. Truly, a "luxury car" in every sense (except in the sense that some of the features it had didn't always work). Also, handled decently in snow despite being RWD, probably because it was so heavy.

What I Didn't Like: Having to buy expensive Mercedes parts, having to fix something on the car about once every 3 months, slow acceleration. Most hated of all: my jury-rigged speedometer that I installed after the original speedometer broke. At Pick-n-Pull, I pulled the speedometer from a gasoline Mercedes of the same era. It "worked" in my car except that it had to be installed sideways and I had to mentally convert the speeds it showed to actual speeds (so, for instance, when the speedo said "25 mph" I was actually going 35 mph, and when it showed "50 mph" I was actually going 65 mph). Then, to top it all off, the dash (from the area of the speedometer) started buzzing every now and then, LOUDLY (sounded like a swarm of bees in my instrument panel). I had this problem with both the old and the new speedometers. It would usually crop up just once in a while and then go away, but by the time I sold the car there was always about a 50/50 chance that the dash would be buzzing.

What Happened to It: I sold it for $900 to a guy from Seattle, and made a huge mistake: I didn't take off my Nevada license plates (the tabs were still good for about 8 more months). Then, like the piece-of-shite jerk that he was, the buyer racked up numerous parking and light-camera tickets, never responded to ANY of my dozens of emails and calls, and basically left ME to deal with the Seattle Municipal Court to explain that I no longer owned the car and had NOT acquired those tickets of my own merit. The thing that finally seemed to do the trick (ie got the court to stop hounding me) was explaining (with the Bill of Sale and the threat of corroborating witnesses) that not only did I not get those tickets myself, but also that I couldn't possibly have based on the times and places the tickets were acquired. It turns out it is physically impossible to be sitting in a class in Ellensburg, WA, while simultaneously illegally parking a car in Seattle, WA.

What to say when you run out of things to say

Ever since the resurgence of The Boring Things, I have been convicted by the fact that I have lost my propensity for original and mildly entertaining irreverent observations and insights into the world around me. And then I realized that my external censorship of myself in public has seeped into my private life and I have built such massive walls against what I say, do, portray, and share with friends, family, co-workers, and random acquaintances that I miss the fun of just B.S.ing on the Internet. But I have stepped into various roles that can't be easily managed without a light level of anonymity, so I can't even share what I really did, thought, and want to say about my true thoughts and feelings about the day. So, as a compromise, I'm simply going to vaguely summarize the account of my day, with some generalities and redactions. I believe I have done this before and found it to be less than cathartic and not up to the level of content Joe produces on a regular basis. But it's something. And, if all goes according to plan, I will watch a meaningful movie and post thoughts over at Movie Posts Only sometime between now and the forthcoming zombiepocalypse.

Today

5:45am - Both alarms go off. I hit the snooze button on the alarm clock every 9 minutes until 7:45, when I finally get tired of reaching so far. I hit the snooze button on my cell phone every 5 minutes, and I continue to do this until 8:10, but only because I worried that I had a meeting at 9, and I looked forward to the possibility of getting coffee before the meeting. I haven't had coffee more than three times all summer.

8:15am - I realize I don't have a meeting. I have a day free to be productive with errands, my career, or my aspiring second career. So, I go get coffee at 8:30. On the way to get coffee, I realize it's Monday morning, and I was so excited to go to sleep early last night that I failed to download and watch the newest "Curb Your Enthusiasm." So, from 8:40 to 9:10 I rectified this, while enjoying a great Americano.

9:10am - I had a 20oz Americano, and I didn't finish it all while watching Curb, so I needed to do something to feel productive while finishing my coffee, so I found and installed an extension to Google Chrome that allows me to circumvent The New York Times' paywall, so I gorged on some Paul Krugman articles and blog posts and reflected upon what I should do with my overflowing box of quarters. There's probably like $22 worth of quarters in this box. I should invest it.

9:45am - I put my Americano in the microwave around 9:30 and forgot about it, so I needed to go reheat it and find something else productive to do while I finished it (because really, I will take any and all excuses to keep my real day from getting started). So, I decided to watch an episode of "WWII in HD." But 41 minutes into this riveting documentary, I stop because they're describing specific units from the day the Marines landed on Guadalcanal in 1942 and I needed to see if I could do a military records search and find out what unit(s) my grandfather served in, because he was part of the forces that landed in the initial landing on Guadalcanal. This is what I found - I decided to follow up on it sometime later in the week. http://www.archives.gov/research/military/ww2/ww2-participation.pdf

11:10am - I decide that I should start my "work" for the day by noon, so I go turn on the iron and get out my shaving cream and razor to shave. Then I realized I needed some music to blast from my room so I had some good shaving music. A coworker texted me for a few minutes, and I was delayed, and then I answered a few e-mails, so I was delayed again, and finally by noon I was rocking out to the Kanye/Jay-Z collaboration "Watch the Throne" whilst I shaved. Then I showered.

1:00pm - I iron, get dressed, get all my paperwork together, grab a water bottle, and then head out to begin "work."

1:30pm - After a few DH-stops, I have a 15 minute conversation with a woman who wants to lessen restrictions and criminal histories for sex offenders who committed a crime before the age of 17.

1:45pm - I have a 10 minute conversation with a couple about the value of their property.

2:30 - After a long period of limited contact, I have a conversation with a man who is over 50 but super positive, enthusiastic, kind, and encouraging. We talked for 20 minutes and he was the highlight of my day.

3:00-4:45pm - Limited interactions worth note.

4:45 - 5:15pm - I enter a man's home and we talk about teaching, education, working overseas, and I charmed his pants off, as he did to me. I liked him.

6:00pm - Dinner and hangout time with friends the rest of the evening.

8:30-10pm - I watched a friend take apart his iPhone 4 and put it back together again, only to see the cheap plastic of the newly purchased cover break, rendering his efforts pointless.

10:30-11:30pm - I watched "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report." I laughed at the name "Liqma Cuchee."

All the Cars, Part 2: 1985 Isuzu Trooper

Picture: Similar to this one, only I don't think ours had the stripe down the side:

Car: 1985 Isuzu Trooper / white 2-door SUV / 2.0L I4 gasoline engine, 73 HP

Owned?: no

Features: 4-speed MT. A/C, 4WD, which was/is actually more off-road capable than most modern AWD/4WD vehicles because Troopers had no front differential, meaning that in 4WD mode, the front wheels were always turning. PS. Seats 5

Summary: I learned to drive a manual transmission on this car. Ever since, I have found manual transmissions more fun to drive than automatic transmissions. I didn't particularly enjoy driving this car at the time, but now I think of it with nostalgic fondness.

What I Liked: Great manual transmission that was not super "picky" about shifting and did not die easily. I think I only drove it in 4WD once (on a hunting trip with my Dad), but I remember it being excellent on rough/uneven/steep dirt/gravel roads/trails. Great on snowy roads.

What I Didn't Like: Uncomfortable plastic seats. Absolutely gutless engine (could only go up to 55mph without straining the engine). I remember trying to get a running start when I would drive up a big hill that led up to the community college where I went for two years, and even with the running start I would be in second gear barely going 20mph by the time I got to the top of the hill. The A/C worked OK, but was hardly ever used because it heavily taxed the already-weak engine.

What Happened to It: It threw a rod (not while I was driving it), went to the Pick-n-Pull, and was likely sacrificed to save the life of another Trooper.

All the Cars, Part 1: Introduction, Terms Key, 1993 Dodge Grand Caravan

Writing about my new car got me thinking about the various cars that I have owned and/or driven over the years. I wrote a blog about all of these, but it ended up being ridiculously long. As such, I'll post about one vehicle a day to make for more manageable reading.

First, a terms key (reference for all the "All the Cars" posts):

4WD = 4-wheel-drive; AWD = all-wheel-drive; FWD = front-wheel-drive; RWD = rear-wheel-drive;

L = liter; V = engine style denoting 2 rows of cylinders in a "V" shape (so, for example, a V6 engine has 2 rows with 3 cylinders each); I = engine style denoting a single row of cylinders, so the cylinders are "Inline" (ie I4 engine has a single row of 4 cylinders); HP = horsepower, a measurement of engine power output; MPG = miles per gallon of fuel; MPH = miles per hour (speed); AT = automatic transmission; MT = manual (or "standard" or "stick-shift") transmission; A/C = air conditioning; CC = cruise control; PS = power steering; Turbo = an exhaust recycler which increases both the power and efficiency of diesel engines; NA = Naturally-aspirated, in other words a diesel engine with no turbo.

Picture: I couldn't find a picture of the actual van, but it looked similar to this: 

Car/Body/Engine: 1993 Dodge Grand Caravan / white extended minivan, 3-doors, hatchback / 3.3L V6 gasoline engine, 150 HP

Features: 4-speed AT, FWD, A/C, CC, PS, seats 7

Owned?: yes

Purchased for/from: $900, from my parents

Summary: the first car I ever drove, the first car I ever owned. I have many fond memories of "The Van".

What I Liked: Extremely comfortable, powerful V6 engine, all the room you could ever want for hauling stuff.

What I Didn't Like: Only getting 18-24 mpg. Which, is really not bad gas mileage at all for a van. But because I didn't usually need all that cargo space, it felt a bit wasteful driving it around. Also, although I didn't care about driving around a minivan, based on other people's responses to it ("You drive a mom-van?"), I should have been ashamed to drive it. I wasn't. Towards the end of my time with the van, the A/C stopped working well (blew only slightly-cool air instead of cold air), and the fuel economy dropped from an average of about 22 mpg to an average of about 18 mpg. Oh, and the van wasn't very good in snow, lots of sliding.

What Happened to It: I sold it for $800 to a guy who was starting his own custodial services business. I'm pretty sure I've seen it still driving around here in Sparks, NV, but I can't be certain as there are many white Dodge Grand Caravans out there that look very similar.

New Car!

I just bought (today!) a new-to-me car.  About the car:

- 1981 Ford Escort

- It has the interior of a 1982 Ford Escort GL (which was a slightly "higher end" version of the Escort) which is in INCREDIBLE shape considering it's from a 29-year-old car.

- 1.6L I4 engine, gets about 30 mpg city, 39 highway.

- No A/C

- Manual windows

- 4-speed manual transmission

- CD player (aftermarket, obviously)

- cost me $600

Here's hoping it does well on my drive up to Ellensburg at the end of the month, and serves me well for as long as I need it.

Some slightly interesting facts about 1981 Ford Escorts:

- 1981 was the Escort's first year in the North American car market, however it was made by Ford for European markets starting in 1968.

- Has front-wheel drive, which was relatively rare in cars of this vintage

- The Escort was Ford's replacement for the Pinto (which, research has shown in retrospect, was actually a very safe car. Leave it to Mother Jones to lead a witch-hunt with little-to-no basis in fact)

WARNING: This post is a real downer

Today at work an older couple (probably at least in their mid-70's) came in to the store. They walked around the store for a while, then I overheard the wife tell the husband, "Just ask him, we've looked everywhere!" The husband approached me at the counter with a picture frame with a poem entitled "If Tears Could Build a Stairway", a 4x6 photo of a curly-haired man, and an inscribed name-plate.
"Do you have anything like this?" he asked, and then continued immediately, "That's our son. He died 11 years ago, he would be 52 today."
I looked for something like the frame, and found something similar but with a different poem and no space for a name plate. "Did you want one similar to this or just like it?" I asked.
"We'd prefer one just like it, but we did get this 11 years ago, so it may not exist any more."
I did a thorough database and internet search, and did eventually find the item, only to find that it is no longer made. I informed them of this and asked if they would like me to find something similar. They didn't. So, I suggested that perhaps a framing store could help them assemble a frame and matte and they could copy the poem and then put it all together. They agreed that this was a good idea.

I was (and am again as I write this) struck immensely with the weight of this couple's grief. They didn't necessarily act sad, but their sadness permeated even their casual speech and motions. The wife's face, especially, was ashen and held in its creases a decade of mourning.

When they left I had to go to the back to compose myself. I wasn't crying, but the heaviness of their sadness seemed to grip my very soul. All I could think was, "Parents were not meant to outlive their children."

Read (reed or red?)

"In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus uses the word dynamis to refer to His miracles, warning the cities in which He performed them that they would be judged most harshly for not being more impressed. Jesus is also the pharmakon, the Medicine, and, obliquely, the pharmakos, the scapegoat, the one who heals the village by being sacrificed."

- Dale Pendell, Pharmako/Dynamis

"Many of us do not see a pattern to our life or understand the purpose behind our individual experiences. We walk most of our lives in the dark, without attaining nearly as much understanding as we would like, even when we do occasionally catch a glimpse of God's grand design."

- Richard Foster & Gayle Beebe, Longing for God

"Some ideas are harder to realize than others. Once an idea is realized, it can be discarded. It's the ones you can't see that are dangerous. The dark angels. They can control you. Do. You can't see them because they are behind you.

Better to put your ideas in front."

- Dale Pendell, Pharmako/Poeia

[On 1840's super-speedy surgeon, Robert Liston]:

"Amputated the leg [in] under 2 1/2 minutes (the patient died afterward in the ward from hospital gangrene, they usually did in those pre-Listerian days). He amputated, in addition, the fingers of his young assistant (who died afterward in the ward from hospital gangrene, they usually did in those pre-Listerian days). He also slashed the coattails of a distinguished surgical spectator, who was so terrified that the knife had pierced his vitals he dropped dead from fright.

That was the only operation in history with a 300 percent mortality."

- Richard Gordon, Great Medical Disasters

The Boring Things: Official Funyun Information Source

So I was recently going through this blog's statistics (daily traffic, page views, etc.), and discovered that some of our traffic comes through a link on Wikipedia.

Apparently, this post is the SOLE source for the Wikipedia entry on Funyuns.

Of course, other than the fact that my post acknowledges the existence of a product called "OnYums", I fail to see how it is a valid source for the information cited in the Wikipedia entry.

That said, I am proud that The Boring Things is the Center of Information on Funyuns, and would like to add a Fun Funyun Fact:

- There are two different Funyun flavors: Original and Flamin' Hot. The Wikipedia entry claims that there is also an "Extreme Cheese" flavor, but a search for this yields no results outside of the entry itself (including no pictures of bags of the alleged flavor), and therefore I must conclude that Extreme Cheese Funyuns are nothing more than an urban legend.

More Fun Funyun Facts may come in the future.