Haircutting Floor

In celebration of filing my taxes, I decided to shave my poofy beard down into a stubble beard. Unfortunately, while this considerably improved the beard region, it now made the rest of my hair look very poofy.

So I decided to try out the haircutting kit I got for Christmas. I tried, for the first time, a MULTIPLE-LEVEL haircut, that involved going shortest at the bottom, one "blade level" up for the "mid-head", and one more level up for the top. From the front, it looks pretty good, if I do say so myself. From what I have been able to ascertain from awkward mirror neck bending, the back isn't bad either. However, tomorrow I will have someone else take a look to make sure I didn't miss anything / that I don't need to just scrap the whole thing and just buzz the whole head.

Here's to saving $10 on a bad haircut and just giving myself one!

Also (as I was retrieving the picture for upload), I came across this one, which makes me think of Tobias Fünke for some reason...

2010 Taxes, DONE!

That's right, more than 2 months ahead of time, I have filed my 2010 taxes.

I really love Washington's "no state income tax" thing. Not that I would have made enough to pay anything even if Washington DID have such a tax.

Nice to not have to think about that now.

I TOLD YOU!

Next time you need someone crazy to say "I TOLD you!" in rapid succession....

Jack LaLanne dead!

Yes, on January 23, 2011, fitness-guy Jack LaLanne died.

Initial reports are that his juicer stopped working just hours before his death. While Mr. LaLanne normally keeps a few spares in his closet for just such an emergency, a new employee of Mr. LaLanne's had failed to restock the juicer closet after the second-to-last one died a few months ago (Mr. LaLanne goes through about 10 juicers a year).

"We knew Jack loved to drink a freshly-made glass of vegetable and fruit juice about once every hour, we just didn't realize that it was the only thing keeping him alive," a source close to Mr. LaLanne told us. "Jack will be greatly missed, and we're not sure how his untimely departure will effect juicer sales yet," the source said, noting that while sales could be hurt from the news that Mr. LaLanne was not immortal, they could also be helped by the fact that it was the juicer keeping Mr. LaLanne alive.

In a celebration of Mr. LaLanne's life, a special sale on the Jack LaLanne Juicer will be aired from 3-4AM on the morning of January 25, 2011, on the CW network. "I don't want to share too many details, but let's just say buyers can expect to receive not one, not two, but three copies of the 'Juice for Life' recipe book. In addition, callers who call within the first 15 minutes of the special will get two juicers for the price of one," an employee of Mr. LaLanne's told us, a quiver of excitement in his voice.

We respectfully raise a glass (of juice) to the life and memory of Jack LaLanne.

Rollin' rollin' rollin'

Last week, my roommate decided that it was time to cash in his fish bowl which he has been depositing his change in for the last 18 months. With the promise of reward (for helping him transport the heavy bowl without spillage), I accompanied him to Fred Meyer, with the intention of using the "CoinStar" machine to count the change.

The CoinStar machine gave us three options:

1. Donate the change to charity. Not a percentage, but all of it. This clearly wasn't going to happen.

2. Get a gift card for the change. Although Amazon.com does have nearly everything, my roommate was looking to get cash for his change.

3. Get cash, but with a 9.8% service fee. 9.8%? They must be crazy. That's nearly 10¢/$1. No.

So, instead, we obtained paper coin rolls (free from any bank!) so we could roll the coins ourselves, and then trade them for cash at the bank (for a 0% fee).

It turned out there was over $180 in change in that bowl. As promised (for my help), my roommate bought us a pizza dinner last night (which was delicious).

Most interestingly, though, was how relaxing rolling coins (with a movie in the background) was for me. I mean, I REALLY enjoyed it. Probably way more than I should have. I was actually disappointed when we ran out of coins to roll. My calling in life is clearly to roll coins. However, banks have machines that do it for them. Another one bites the dust.

Joe's Dream Occupations:

1. professional basketball player

2. explorer

3. lamplighter

4. switchboard operator

5. coin roller

6. banana republic dictator (<--- I still have a good feeling about this one)

12,898,438

That's right, TheBoringThings.com is now the 12,898,438 MOST visited website IN THE UNIVERSE (according to our Alexa ranking).

Sure, you might think, "doesn't that mean that you were beat by over 12.8 MILLION other websites?" and you would be correct in that thought. BUT that also means we BEAT many MILLIONS of websites.

Consider that as of 2005, netcraft.com basically took a count of all the websites that exist. At that time (5 years ago) there were over 70 million websites. I have to think that in the five years since then that many millions more websites have been added to the total.

So, even using 2005's website count, TheBoringThings.com is in the top 20% of the most visited websites IN THE UNIVERSE (in case you missed that the first time around). In celebration of this (clearly) momentous occasion, I have created an EXCITING .GIF image which you can see in our exciting new header.

*Also while I was at the whole "editing the layout" thing I went ahead and widened the text area of this blog, which will hopefully aid in not cutting off the edges of images and videos when we post them*

Also, apparently the six searches that most often lead visitors to our website are:

1. "the boring things"

2. boring things

3. buster bluth goat photobooth [I have no idea how this search ever leads to our website, as I cannot find the post/comments that reference it]

4. seinfeld tip jar [referring to this post]

5. baconnaise stewart [referring to our series of Baconnaise posts/comments and Jon Stewart]

6. jon stewart oprah [referring to how we broke the news to them about Baconnaise]

NBC Thursdays: Agony & Ecstacy

COMMUNITY: So glad it's back. This show has yet to disappoint me.

PERFECT COUPLES: Piloting tonight. I have no idea what it's about, but the title makes me think it'll probably suck.

THE OFFICE: Sadly, The Office has been suffering its weakest season yet (in my opinion). All the gags have been used ad nauseum, and it seems like even the actors are tired of doing them. Still, my respect for this show's previous greatness keeps me watching it (in what will be its last, maybe second-to-last, season).

PARKS & RECREATION: On the other hand, Parks & Rec has FINALLY been coming into its own as a great show and not just "The Office with Different Actors". Now very much worth watching.

30 ROCK: The more I watch this show, the more I enjoy it. The writers seem to be honing their craft and making each episode more "spot on" than the last (with the exception of that "live taping" travesty, which did nothing but convince me that SNL is still not funny).

OUTSOURCED: Why, oh WHY, is this show still on the air? It's just... terrible. I've never seen a show before where 49 out of 50 jokes fall COMPLETELY flat (and 49 out of 50 is being generous). Shockingly, I once checked the Neilson ratings and noted that Outsourced had a higher rating (for a couple weeks) than Community. WHAT?!?!? Either millions of people in America are simply at that level of humor (makes me think of "Idiocracy"), or it's simply like a bad car crash that people can't look away from.

Satire or pure unadulterated filth? You be the judge!

My students wrote an essay analyzing the satire in Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels, and they were then asked to compare the satire in the novel to a work of modern satire.

One student chose to compare the novel to the song "Show Me Yo Booty Hole" by Saosin.

This is the first time I had heard about this song, and I still have yet to listen to the song, but after reading several school-inappropriate lyrics in the essay, I looked up the complete lyrics.

Below I have that song for your judgement. Is this song a work of pure satirical genius about the oversexed promiscuous nature of modern culture, or is it pure unadulterated filth? Leave comments!

"Show Me Yo Booty Hole" by Saosin
Show me yo booty hole, oh (x2)
Show me yo booty hole

Walk up in the club like you think you nice
Walkin' all around like you cold as ice
Lookin' at yo booty makes me want to touch it
Thinkin' bout yo hole makes me want to munch it
You know my Caddy's parked just right outsiiiiird
You know your booty want to go **for a rurd (for a ride)
We bout to drive around and I'll show you the city
I even might reach over and grab me a tittay

Grab it gr-grab it grab it grab it
take that, take that, take that, take that
Grab it gr-grab grab it grab it
take that, take that, take that hoe

Back up in the club I think I'm goin' blind
Saw so much booty nearly lost my mind
You know I cant help it when I get started
Damn hoe! *fart noise* Was that yo booty that farted?
*laughter* Ah, fuck it.
Show me your booty hole!

Ohhhhh
That booty, that b-b-b-booty hole, that booty!
Ohhhhh
That b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Show me your booty hole

First thing's first I know my style is wack
And first things thirds I don't even listen to rap
All these people always hatin' on me
Screamin' out loud (Man, fuck that boosty.)
All these crack ass rappers trying to make it to the top
But with pointless rapping
Adding pointless clapping
Only B2C** will never stop
*clap, clap, clap*

It's twelve fiftizzle and I just got to the pizzle
Boosty's fucken drizzle off a bottle of bacizzle
All these trizzles try to get me in the frizzle
But I only want the hizzle buhizzle bizzle nizzle

I got girls to my left and girls to my right
Shake your booty baby, it's lookin' alright
I got booty to my left and booty to my right
Give me booty baby and I'll lick it all night
I wish yo ass was all up on me
So I could put my tongue inside those cheeks
(ha ha, ha ha)

This hole, that hole, this hole, that hole,
Eeny meeny miney mo, let me eat your booty hole

(OKAY! BREAK IT DOWN NOW!)

All these bitches and all these hoes
get used to the lickin' of the booty hole
So come on girl, just learn some patience
Turn around baby and give me that anus
Let's go!
Show me yo booty hole

Ohhhh,
That booty, that b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Ohhhh,
That b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Show me your booty hole

Shakin' yer booty like it ain't no thing
Rub it all up on my dingaling
Thinkin' bout what I want to do to you
Does that shit smell like poo to you? (Ew)
Lace, silk, cotton, polyester
It's all comin' off so it doesn't even matter
Black, white, asian, puerto rican
I don't care, if your booty hole's stinkin'
(I want your booty hole, doo doo doo!)

One, two, three, furr
Get yer booty hole up in hurr
Five, six, seven, eurrt
Let's put that booty hole back to work!
Nine, ten, eleven, twurv
Bend over baby and show me them curves!
Now you think I'm starting to purv
But damn your ass if off the chain bi-atch
Ohh, shit I think I almost came!

Ohhhh
That booty, that b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Ohhhh
That b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Show me your booty hole

Ohhhh
That booty, that b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Ohhhh
That b-b-b-booty hole, that booty
Show me yo booty hole!

The History Channel Club

For some reason, various organizations have decided that I seem like someone who will send them money or want their business. Why? I don't know. My charitable giving for the last few years has consisted of a few small Kiva loans and a few church donations.

Usually, they attempt to use pre-giving to encourage me to donate by giving me some small thing like a pin, token, or, the most common (and useful, I might add), return address labels. I currently have address labels from Geico (these are the worst ones I have, as they are thick and don't stick very well), Arbor Day Society (these are nice, they feature leaves and other tree-related things), and the March of Dimes (who even sent me a dime, which I kept).

Recently, however, an especially interesting package arrived. For some reason, the History Channel decided that I am a history buff and would want to join the History Channel Club. They sent me not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR gifts. That's right, four. AND if I subscribed to the club, I would also receive FOUR more gifts (which a little scratch-off-for-what-you-will-get area enthusiastically told me).

So, what types of things does the History Channel Club believe potential subscribers would want? A classy raising-the-flag in Iwo Jima window decal, a small dime-sized token that says "History Channel Club" on one side and has a picture of the Liberty Bell and "1776" on the other, a bookmark with the Declaration of Independence on one side and the U.S. presidents on the other... OK, I'm seeing a pattern here. Clearly they're appealing to my fervent nationalism and desire to have a quick reference to the U.S. Presidents while I'm reading.

The fourth gift, however, was the REALLY special one. A magnet with a few of the variations of the U.S. flag throughout the years! What better way to hold Pita Pit coupons on the fridge than with Ol' Glory?

Then I looked at the back of the magnet, and discovered this SHOCKING sticker:

OK, you can't really see it in this picture, but the sticker on the bottom right of the magnet tells me where the magnet was made. And where was this magnetic symbol of American Freedom, Truth, Justice, Freedom, Integrity, and of

course, Freedom (which the terrorists HATE, by the way) made? CHINA.

Naturally, I was not going to stand for this blatant slap in the face to the USA, so I have relegated this shameful piece to the SIDE of the fridge to hold Family Circus cartoons that have been on the fridge since I moved in and which no one will dare claim as their own.

Shame on you, The History Channel, and thank you for the bookmark.

No Storms Come (well actually they do)

As I continue to narrow down my thesis research question, I'm realizing how much easier it would be to be a single-subject oriented behavior analysis research than it is to study psychopharmacology.

A research question like, "Does Drug A alleviate the withdrawal symptoms of Drug B?" seems simple enough... until you realize that you have to make sure that Drug A has a good safety profile, that I have subjects on Drug B (or make sure that Drug B effects rats in the same way as it does humans), and that I have someone on board who's medically certified to take care of any medical emergencies that arise.

It is awfully tempting to go with some sort of behavioral study such as "Does a paper sign encouraging people to wash their hands decrease the number of bacteria on an inside bathroom door handle?" It would be so much easier. But then, I don't really care about that question.

Finally, no one has the same level of enthusiasm as you yourself do about a research idea that you came up with.

This thesis business is stressful. Then again, this education, career, and life business is stressful as well.

I haven't felt real peace in years. This helps:

TODAY... 1/9/11 @ 2:39pm

I was searching for some healthier food for lunches and dinners and discovered what looked to be a roll of ground sausage but was actually a roll of some soft goop called "polenta." I don't think I've ever seen or eaten polenta before (though I've heard the name). Well, now I have some. I think I will add it to some chicken breast and see what happens. It claims to be "a healthy and tasty substitute for rice and pasta and tofu!" We will see.

The Boring Things: 90% more boring, guaranteed!

It occurs to me that there's been little in the way of a mundane update recently, so I felt one was necessary.

My Evolutionary Psychology class seems like it will be awesome. I'm so excited to be in a non-sucky class again (for the first time in the 2010-2011 school year). I'm also working on my thesis.

Also I combed my hair recently. That was exciting.