The Magic of Charter

So the cable guy came over to my new place here in Ellensburg on Thursday to activate our cable/internet. He hooked everything up, turned it on, had me plug the modem into my computer to make sure the internet was working, and DONE! Yay! Basic (as in, local channels and C-SPAN basic) cable and high-speed internet... well, not quite.

So, the next logical step was hooking up our wireless router for high-speed wireless all over the house. At this point, the internet stopped working. I plugged my computer directly into the router, and then the internet worked, but no matter what I did to the router/modem/wireless/security/etc., the wireless would NOT let me get on the internet. I messed with it for approximately 3 hours, then gave up, planning to have to call Charter in the morning.

Dreading the hassle of dealing with Charter's idiotic frontline phone reps ("Is the modem plugged into the cable outlet on the wall? Is the modem plugged in to the power outlet?" YES, YES, DAMN IT, YES!), I decided to postpone the call until Monday morning, as I knew that there was no way they'd have anyone here before Monday anyhow.

This evening, I wanted to get online, but didn't want to have to go across the street to get on the non-password-protected wireless connection that's nearby, nor did I want to go to the university and sit in a parking lot outside a building just to use their wireless. So, I decided I'd just plug my computer in to the router downstairs and hope that it still worked that way (by the time I had finished fiddling with it last, even that no longer worked).  It did! I had internet. Granted, I had to sit on my living room floor, but that was OK. After a while of that, I thought, "Hey, it's been 2 days, maybe the wireless will randomly work now."  So I unplugged the computer from the router, connected to the wireless connection (it always connected before, but was never able to actually load any internet pages), and typed in a web address.  And it WORKED!  Huzzah!

But... our connection was unsecured (no password). So I was left with a dilemma: do I risk making the wireless not work again by turning on the security on our network, or do I say, "Whatever, enjoy our internet, neighbors" and leave it open?  Well, being the paranoid type, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving it open, so I logged into the router, turned on security, and made up a password. After doing this, the wireless connected automatically disconnected me and I had to reconnect to the network using the password.  I did, and it connected, and then, miracle of miracles, the internet CONTINUED to WORK (and is still working as I type this).

So apparently, with Charter internet, if it doesn't work, just wait a day or two and try again. And that is the magic of Charter.

New glasses!

Just got my new glasses. I like them a lot. For some reason they make me look older. I don't know why, it's just what they look like to me. I like it.

Moving

Well, it's about time to go back to school and finish my Master's degree.

I'm glad to be getting back to it, and doubly glad to be doing it with all my faculties in tip-top shape.

I think Jelly is excited about the move.

Jemaine Harkins

The following is actual phone conversation between myself and a bookstore customer.
WARNING: the following content may be disturbing if dumb people bother you.

ME: [bookstore name], how may I help you?
CUSTOMER: Hello, do you have any Jemaine Harkins?
ME: No, I don't think we do. Let me check though. Is he a musical artist? How do you spell the last name?
CUSTOMER: H-a-r-... *sounding annoyed* Are you new or something?
ME: No, I've been working here for 8 years.
CUSTOMER: OK, because you said you didn't have it before you even looked, and you know that's really...
ME: *continued to search for alternate spellings, such as "Jermaine Hawkins", etc. I find an artist named "Tremaine Hawkins" while she is talking* Ma'am, OK this is probably who you're looking for. TREmaine HAWkins. Does that sound right?
CUSTOMER: Yes, that's exactly what I said to begin with.
ME: Well, Tremaine Hawkins is not the same as Jemaine Harkins. We have or can get stuff by Tremaine Hawkins. What CD were you looking for?
CUSTOMER: Potter's House
ME: OK, it looks like we don't have that in stock, but I can order it for you and have it in 2-3 days, would you like to do that?
CUSTOMER: You know what? Nevermind. I don't like your attitude. *hangs up*
ME: *hang up* Bitch.

Play, Occupation? Playcupation

Kanon Tipton, a 4-year-old son of a pentecostal preacher has been dubbed by some as the "world's youngest preacher." He is a child. A child who (as he himself admits) likes "preaching" because it's what "Daddy does." Most preachers I know who saw this video would not say he is "preaching." He is repeating buzz-words that get a pentecostal crowd excited. Only a pentecostal would consider the empty jargon, backed by emotional exuberance, as being a "message."

So is he really a "preacher"? It depends on your perspective. Is a kid who runs around with plastic handcuffs and a toy gun a policeman? Is a child who wears a white jacket and carries a toy stethoscope a doctor? Is a kid who wears a little suit and excitedly yells empty idioms about God and Jesus a preacher? In the pentecostal church, yes.

There seems to be a disturbing trend in the age of YouTube to label children's play as some sort of a "phenomenon." Because a child is particularly cute, or accurate in their play, or caught on video, does NOT indicate that there is "something more" going on.

No no no no

Me and the Captain

A while back (months ago, actually) I received an email in which my assistance was requested on a very important task. I liked the letter so much, that I saved it so I could write about it later. Recently, cleaning out the files on my computer (I cleared over 30 gigabytes of space!), I came across the letter. So, here we go.  The letter is in italics. Non-italicized green notes are my own commentary.


Hello Friend, (you'll notice the very personal greeting)

I am Captain Davidson Mchugh with the United Nations troop in Afghanistan, on war against terrorism. Based on the United States legislative and executive decision that we must evacuate Iraq immediately for Afghanistan, Now we are in Afghanistan military base and I will be redeployed to Europe soonest, come this year September 2010, Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly the United States and the European Union on the war against terrorism. On the other hand, I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of 16.2 million USD, which I got from Iraq. This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

- Apparently one can make the rank of Captain in the UN with only a tenuous grasp on grammar. No surprise there: the UN has likely employed sanctions against poor grammar, but that's as far as they're willing to go at this point in time. 

<--- Captain Mchugh, from her Facebook page, getting some R&R with a guy who is probably in her United Nations troop.

- Strangely, a search for Capt. Two-Last-Names yielded only a copy of his personal letter to me (I don't know how someone else got it), and a girl in Britain's Facebook page. I was disturbed by my own sexism, assuming that Captain Davidson Mchugh was a man. Admit it, you thought Capt. Mchugh was a man as well. Also, because the first "H" in "Mchugh" is not capitalized, I have to assume this is NOT (as I at first assumed!) a Scottish name. It is clearly pronounced "M'chuggah" rather than "Mac-Hugh". 
 -It's my lucky day! Capt. Mchugh needs my help with16.2 MILLION dollars, AND (and this is especially exciting) the war in Iraq is over! There was apparently a "legislative and  executive decision" to evacuate Iraq and move everyone to Afghanistan!

- Oh good, the money is not stolen and there are no dangers in me helping the good Cap'n.

SOURCE OF MONEY:

Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein's old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.

 Oh... not stolen... just looted. Totally different.

Click this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

Strangely, the article he cites claims that it was "US troops" rather than "UN troops" who found the money. Pssssh. Typical British news screw-up.

I deposited this money with a Red Cross Agent informing them that we are making contact for the real owner of the money and it is under my power to approve whoever comes forth for the money.

So... Capt. Mchugh lied to the Red Cross. Classy.

I want to invest part of the money as soon as I am redeployed out of this country for a good business, anyway you will advice me on that since I am not a businessperson. I cannot move this money by my self because I will be in Europe for about 3years with big officials, so I need someone I could trust. If you accept, I will transfer the money to you as the beneficiary because I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading with such an amount of money so I need to present someone as the beneficiary.

Investing! Wise! Especially investing in good business, I HATE it when people say, "Oh hey can I borrow some money to invest in bad business?" Those big officials in Europe are so nosy. You can trust me, Cap'n.

I am an American and an intelligence officer for that so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier service .I just need your acceptance and all is done.

 I had a few doubts about Capt. Mchugh at first, but the fact that she is an American AND an intelligence officer puts me at ease. Also good to know that Capt. Mchugh has a 100% authentic means of transferring the money. I've been burned before by couriers who are less than 100% authentic.

Please if you are interested in the transaction, I will give you the complete details you need to carry out this transaction successfully. Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities that are secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in details to you. I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.
Naturally, naturally. Caution first. My Gmail account is totally secure. Why is there an ad for courier services on my sidebar?

If you are interested, please send me your personal mobile number so I can call you for further inquiries when I am out of our military network. I am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if no response after 3days I will then search for someone else.

I'm glad that the Captain took security precautions like signing up for a fresh Yahoo! Mail account before emailing me. It's good to know that in "military networks" phones are monitored, but not internet use. 3 days?!??!???! Opportunity missed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I wait to hearing from you as soon as possible. I will give to you 30% of the sum and 70% is for me if every thing goes well.

I wait for your urgent response.

Regards,

Capt. Davidson Mchugh.

If I had responded within 3 days, I would have $4.86 million. I guess I can only hope that this type of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity comes again. I should check my Spam folder...