A new series: "TODAY..."

This website was started in the aims of sharing all of the inane, insane, random, yet boredom-inducing occurrences and observations that strike Joe and I on any given day at any given moment.

I was crushed five minutes ago to discover that this was not a wholly original idea, as there exists a website called "My Life Is Average." According to their official statement,

"MyLifeIsAverage is a place to share your everyday mediocrity. It is a place to post the mundane things in your life, and read about what makes life normal for other people.

We believe that for every fail story, or good story, there are about a million normal stories. So tell the world what makes your life average. Anyone can submit a story, because everyone's lives are unexciting and insignificant at some time or another."

The posts on MLIA are reminiscent of Twitter and Facebook updates in that they are brief 2-3 sentence recaps of a random, funny, or just plain insignificant occurrence or observation in someone's life.

For example, here's my personal favorite post from the thousands of today's posts on MLIA:

"Today I had a day off. I went to IKEA dressed as a lion and hid in a cupboard, welcoming people to Narnia every time they opened the doors. Best day off ever."

So, what shall be done about the fact that The Boring Things in Life isn't a wholly original idea and MLIA is run by thousands of user-submitted blurbs and thus Joe and I have no chance of besting the success or entertainment of this competition?

GET...MORE...BORING!

So, I'd like to introduce the newest series on The Boring Things in Life called "TODAY..."

Rather than try and remember and regurgitate the funniest or most enjoyable snippet of our lives, Joe and I will plumb the depths of our 24-hour memories to try and bring you, our 2-5 occasional readers, a glimpse into our boring lives which will be so mind-numbingly boring that you'll actually believe for just a second that you couldn't possibly be more bored reading about us being bored by a moment in our days in which we couldn't believe at the time just how bored we were.

TODAY... 8/31/09 @ 5:07pm
I was sitting on the couch watching a commentator on The Golf Channel draw a stick figure on a white board explaining how to hit a sand shot when the ball is below your feet... and it was boring.

From the restaurant that brought the world "Famous Bowls" comes the next generation of breadless sandwiches!

Crusade for customer service

When I arrived home this afternoon and turned on my lunch-time documentary ("Man from Plains") and took out my Diet Mountain Dew, tortilla chips, and new jar of salsa, I contentedly sat down for an enjoyable snack for lunch.

However, immediately upon opening this jar of "Safeway Select Medium Chipotle Salsa," my nostrils were overwhelmed by the powerful smokey stench of the salsa, and upon tasting the salsa, this smokey flavor overpowered all the other flavors in this salsa. I'm revolted by the flavor and the misery this caused me today, ruining my lunch.

Safeway has terrible customer service at my local store on a regular basis. I paid $3.59 for this salsa, and I am not satisfied with their product. I am about to attempt to return this inferior product in exchange for the always delicious "Safeway Select Mild Peach-Pineapple Salsa."

Wish me luck.

UPDATE: Victory. Safeway will allow returns of opened items if they suck.

Moja Wants Out

Moja wants out, and if not, at least some milk...

(items in caps followed by the forward slash are ASL signed words)

From the log of Moja's 84th month at the Gardner ranch:

After M's tugging on my keys...

PD: WHAT WANT?/

M: OUT/

PD: CAN'T OUT NOW/, YOU EAT HERE/

M: TIME MILK/

key: M = Moja, PD = human.

A New Level of Consumption

The other day I walked into a Terrible's convenience store to pick up a soft drink. I happened to notice a new little section of those "insulated" cups you can buy.  I saw one, and I thought, "That is GIGANTIC."  I looked at the bottom to see how many ounces of liquid this massive "cup" held. I was astonished: 100 ounces.

100 OUNCES! Previously, the largest drink I had ever seen was the infamous "Double Gulp", 7-11's 1.9 liter mega-greedy-man's tumbler. But this? This is just.... beyond.

100 ounces = 2.9+ liters. If someone were to fill that sucker up with, say, Coca-Cola, they would be consuming an astonishing 1,250 calories. I need to get a picture of this icon of gluttony.

Moving

Tonight is the last night (well, for a while) that I will spend in my parent's house here in Sparks, NV.  Tomorrow, I move into an apartment on Holcomb Ranch Lane in Reno. I will be residing at the same location where I work (another building on the property is my workplace, the Psychobiology of Language lab). So for about the next five weeks I will be working as many hours as I can to earn as much money as possible before I head off to Ellensburg, WA, for graduate school.

This will be an exciting, if exhausting, month of my life.  Pictures of the new digs coming tomorrow.